In contrast to the full busy days of last week I have been down visiting my parents and enjoying some relaxation the last few days. Monica had some days off from work we’ve been shopping and I was able to work on painting project I brought. But today I am on my way back home, and I know that Bobby is going to be glad because every time he calls he asks when I’m coming back because he misses me…and my cooking I think!

Over the weekend we had our first summer girl’s Bible study. We talked about our attitudes. It is important to realize that our attitudes are a choice and not a reaction over which we have no control. We looked at Philippians 2:5-8 and studied the pattern it gives of Christ’s attitudes in humility and obedience. Since our attitudes reflect our thoughts it is easy to see that we think about ourselves alot. The girls decided that the biggest contributing, but not determining factor to our thoughts and attitudes is circumstances. We lose our focus on Christ and start realizing that things may not be happening how we would want them to. We focused in on some practical ways that we can live the preceding verses in Philippians 2:3-4

Tonight I was sitting at Starbucks with a friend and witnessed a police arrest that took place in the store. A business man came in and quickly made his way to the back of the store motioning to several police officers waiting outside. Two of them came in and followed him. They then pounded on the restroom door and eventually emerged clutching the wrists of a young girl in a hooded sweatshirt. They were rough with her and talked loud as they handcuffed her and shoved her into one of the squad cars and drove away. I could hear some people saying that maybe she had shoplifted.

This experience came instantly to light in my mind because earlier today I read a portion of John MacArthur’s Drawing Near, which talked about the laws of God. We have alot of laws in America. I’m sure when people break the law they feel embarrassed, ashamed and regretful. But why do we so regularly break God’s law and not even think twice about it? Usually people think of God’s law as the Ten Commandments or the “golden rule”. But in Matthew 22 when Jesus was asked which law is the greatest He answered:

It’s a new week and Bobby and I are busy helping out as the fourth grade leaders for our VBS. I’ve never been a leader before, but what fun it is! We get to go around to each station with all our kids: snacks, games, and more! When our group was up for songs I looked around and wondered if any of the kids were having as much fun as I was. I also really enjoyed hearing the Bible story of Gideon as the teachers acted out a creative story session as if we were Gideon’s army fighting the Mideonites from Judges chapter seven.

It’s amazing how all that fun can wear a person out, but I managed to get some other things done today as well. We enjoyed our regular Monday night dinner fellowshipping together with our close friends. Missy was even filled in on some of the up and coming Godsong music, songs that are still in the making and yet to be available at the site.

I had a humbling conversation with a friend today in which I realized just how prone I am to inconsistency. I complain of being left out of other’s circles and yet keep my own exclusively closed. I don’t want people to judge me, but I am quick to do so of them. I even wonder why people don’t update their blogs but I don’t keep mine current. It is actually pretty easy to be inconsistent. I read a quote by Horace Smith that said, “Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent.” I am glad that this is not the way that God desires His children to be. Daily I am learning to keep my words and actions closer in line, love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:39) and give my heart undivided to the Lord.

It is a serious accusation to be called a hypocrite. I distinctly remember a situation when I was in college where I sat at my desk talking with a friend on my phone while my roommate could hear me across the room. I praised my friend and the news that she was sharing, but shortly after we said goodbye another friend called and asked me what I thought of our mutual friend’s plans and to her I scrutinized and harshly criticized them. The next day my roommate brought this scenario to my attention and gently stated that she was very discouraged when she heard such hypocrisy coming from me. I was shamed and humbled at this realization. I know that some of this is still in me today. I say one thing, do another. I agree in word and deed but in heart feel that I’ve compromised. I act happy when I am really sad. How awful to think that God is looking beneath the skin and seeing double-mindedness and a divided heart. His own child trying to live for the world and for Him. God knows the truth, if I am playing a game or really living for Him. He knows my attitudes, desires, and thoughts. Knowing that the Lord of the universe sees right to the core of my duplicity is a powerful motivation to make these verses the prayerful cry of my heart:

Yesterday we held an all-nighter for the high school students, to celebrate the beginning of summer. People had a great time playing games, snacking and watching some movies. I left around two am to take one of the girls home, but Bobby stayed awake all the way till nine this morning. He came home and has slept most of the day to recuperate. With Bobby catching up on his sleep I spent a couple of hours in our kitchen scrubbing and reorganizing. I know I’m late with Spring almost behind us, but I figure it’s better to do it late rather than never.

When I was younger I used to be quite a neat freak. My sisters will remember how I became obsessed when I once heard someone say that cleanliness was next to godliness. I found a verse that said God was a God of order not confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33) and I wrote it down and proudly displayed it on my wall as if I was promoting the order by keeping my room immaculate. Every morning my bed was made just so, every item put in its place, not a speck of dust to be found and I would put the finishing touch by running the vacuum on my side of the room. I shared a room with my younger sister Monica. Now I laugh at how torturous my behaviors must have been! I remember how annoyed she would get at me because I constantly sneered down at her for being so messy. I remember sometimes she would play at a friend’s house for an afternoon and while she was gone I would try to make sense of what I deemed “chaos” on the side opposite mine. I would think I had done her such a favor but she would be so upset because she couldn’t find anything and I would even throw away things I didn’t think were necessary to keep! How obnoxious I was! Thank goodness I don’t hold to such an intrusive rule of cleanliness anymore. Even though I like a clean house, I simply get to it when I can and don’t obsess over small details as much anymore.

With all this cleaning I’ve been doing all week, my thoughts did turn to cleanliness in me. I haven’t been blogging much this week and this is usually the case when I haven’t been diligent to study the Word, read and spend much time in prayer. Sometimes I do a quick clean with God. I flip to a verse quickly, say a passing prayer to bless my day and get on with things. But I know better. God calls our hearts to be pure, attitudes godly and lives to be holy. God does not bargain with us, accepting what is semi-clean. He cannot have anything to do with sin and is completely separate from it. Through Christ we are made His children, but this does not mean He expects less. He commands us to live the new life He has given us by seeking Him with all we are.

Paul gives a humbling exhortation to take seriously the cleaning that is needed in my heart:

I’m in the third week of my summer break and enjoying it immensely. I get all kinds of things done during the day and at night enjoy the company of friends. With the new Godsong blog up and running, every night at our place is haven of creative energy. Brad often comes over and He and Bobby and I sit at our separate computers writing away, sometimes reading or discussing various topics of interest. You might be surprised to hear that because I haven’t written on my own blog for a week! I don’t have much of an explanation but am glad that I have some things on my heart to write about today. Much of this inspiration to share my thoughts was stirred by an essay that Bobby wrote on having something to say. He wrote, “If you are a Christian let me give you a strong word of exhortation: You should have something to say! Are you telling me that the holy God in heaven has saved your sinful life and radically transformed your heart to have love, joy, and peace in His presence and that isn’t enough inspiration to start writing?” These words jogged me out of any blogger’s block I was suffering and got me up to write today.

Last week I spent alot of time with my good friend Missy. We have an all-new girls Bible study in the works and have been figuring out what topics would be relevant to young girls and also practical ways we can help show them what God says about those topics. Some thoughts we had so far where: speech, contentment, attitudes, friendships, honoring parents and modesty. It’s so nice to have time to spend with her. We go shopping, to the coast, have lunch together and have started playing Dr. Mario, an addicting Tetris like game. Bobby and I have had many graduations and graduation parties to attend. We also had a big barbeque Sunday to raise support for our missions trip. Bobby told me that he was concerned that we might not raise all that we needed. But then later told me that he realized that he couldn’t focus on what he needed, but the Giver.

I’ve been giving that some thought. I so often focus on what I need or want, what I think should happen in a situation, while losing focus on the Giver. I feel that I have surrendered to the reality that I cannot change anyone. Also that time does not change anyone, only God can. Even though I know this, sometimes I hold on so tightly to people and desires that I have. I notice that when I am not surrendering these distractions day by day I become very impatient and bitter about them. Martin Luther once said, “I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.”