Summer’s End

August 31st, 2005

I have the lovely benefit of working at an office which closes for summer. I have been enjoying a summer off since June, but today I am back to my normal 9-5 days at the office. I’m actually looking forward to the change in casual and lazy days to ones of routine and structure. Dont’ get me wrong, I love having summer! I like to call it my weeks full of Saturdays. But there is something that I also like about a schedule. I notice that on a schedule I tend to be more disciplined with my diet and exercise and I even sleep better. I may not have endless hours at my disposal and am instead spending my time doing office work, but I’m sure that’s why we have to learn “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

I’m continuing to read through Paul David Tripp’s War of Words and today another section hit me with it’s simple profundity as Tripp addressed the reality that God is sovereignly ruling over our lives to complete the work of salvation that He begun in us.

“There is probably no more important perspective on our everyday life than this: God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of His Son. When we complain about the problems and pressures in our lives, we are essentially grumbling in the face of God. We are complaining that we have been chosen by His love and grace, and that He is putting us in situations designed to make us His holy people!”
This statement clarified much of my misunderstanding of trials and sanctification. I know that God is not working towards my personal happiness, comfortable lifestyle or self-esteem. I pray constantly that He will be my happiness, life and identity. But reading this made me see the oxymoron that it is to pray for a life of growth, and then complain of the trials and struggles I must face. These are the means by which He grows us! We shouldn’t pray to be strong, growing and godly people and then resist the fire that He puts us through, rather we should embrace it. With this perspective it is not difficult for me to see that God has not forgotten me at all, but instead my circumstances proclaim His presence and that He is using all of these means to conform me to His likeness.
So with this new season of life–most of us have gone back to school or work, experience trying relationships, discouraging circumstances, pressures and temptations–these are the signs to us that God is working and answering my prayers. These things are not the mundane day-to-day. They are not burdens. They are small opportunities granted to us all throughout the day to choose the glory of God above all else.
“And we know that all things work together for good
to those who love God,
to those who are called according to His purpose.
For whom He foreknew,
He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.”
Romans 8:28-29


Grace doesn’t go on vacation…

August 26th, 2005

Since last Sunday Bobby and I have been enjoying some time off the schedules and on the road. We vacated our home for the week to drive down the coast–stopped to see my family on the Central Coast, spent a couple of days helping Bobby’s parents unpack and paint in their new home in Canyon Country, met up with Ty and spent a couple of days with his family in San Diego and even enjoyed an afternoon with my sister at Disneyland. All in all it’s been a relaxing time, but now refreshed we’re are excited to be heading home tomorrow as we get ready to go back to work and welcome in the Fall.

The Lord has been faithful to continue to give me opportunities to grow and change this week. He does not seem to differentiate between vacation days and normal days. When we pray for change and we seek to find Him, He takes us up on it each step of the way. I’ve been learning alot about my own pride and selfishness lately but I am immensely blessed by the fact that God has not left me here. He has also shown me some valuable things about humility. I am finding that where the Spirit convicts, there He provides ample opportunities for me to grow in righteousness. I can’t just say, “Please change me, God!” But rather spiritual life is the process of putting off my natural sinful ways and putting on the character of Christ. The Lord does not convict us and then leave us to find our own way to righteousness, but is the instigator and sustainer of this entire process of faith as we follow and surrender to Him.

Today I was reading 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul talks about struggling with a “thorn in the flesh.” He even writes in verse 8 that he prayed to God and asked Him to remove the trial or hindrance that pained him. But verse 9 transitioned my focus from a human and worldly perspective, sympathizing for Paul; to God’s thoughts on the thorn as He answered Paul’s prayer, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’” God would not remove the trial Paul was suffering but promised to continually give him the grace to endure it. God offers the same grace to us each day. It is alot more difficult to see that I need grace when I’m so focused on my own strength and doing things on my own. When I am empty, and low His grace lifts me up and allows me to conquer the pains of life in the victory of His power. I love how He says His grace is sufficient. His grace is more than enough. It wasn’t just enough grace to save but then I’m on my own for the rest of my days. His grace doesn’t just cut it for the morning or times of trials. It is sufficient. This means that it is perfect, whole, there is nothing lacking from it.

Sometimes I try to do things on my own. It is difficult to admit when I am wrong or when I need help. It is painful to confess my sin to someone. All of these things reflect pride. I wonder if anyone else has ever tried to better themselves in their own strength like I have. I want to discipline myself and grow in godly character and somehow show myself to God and seem deserving of His grace. But this is opposite of the whole meaning of His grace. I can’t ever deserve it! God’s grace is the very thing that has plucked me from being lost in sin and created me anew in Christ. I never could have done that on my own and yet I always am trying to live this life alone. If we could get over our pride and come weak and empty before the Lord we would find more grace than we could imagine–not only grace to be saved, but also to turn from sin, to run after righteousness, and endure trials. His grace is so much more than enough!

Your grace has found me just as I am.
Empty handed but alive in Your hand.



Pride and Predjudice

August 20th, 2005
This week a good friend came to me and told me that something I said had really hurt their feelings. I wasn’t surprised because I knew right when I said it that I was being quick to judge and that I should have held my tongue. But this knowledge did not change how horrible it felt to hear their words. This has been happening to me a lot lately. I sat and thought about what I had done and came to a disheartening and sickening realization…I am full of pride. I know that all of us struggle with this in some sense. I’ve even heard it said that pride is the root of all sin. So being humans we all possess varying amounts of pride and in different areas. The particular area that pride shows itself in my life is in judgment.

The most appalling part of my realization of personal pride is how easy it is to justify and make sense of my words and actions in my own mind. I tell myself that I am being realistic or truthful. Or worse, that I know what is best or right. I notice that having gone to a wonderful Bible college, been under some of the best preaching I may ever hear, and having some dynamic godly friendships that I use these things as a step stool for pride. Sometimes now I find it easy to criticize other pastors and preachers because I am comparing them to John MacArthur and other pastors I was under at Grace Community. Having experienced some amazing worship I find it a justification to judge the worship leaders, song selections or styles I hear now. Pride working through judgments is very destructive not only in imparting discouraging and most often unwanted opinions of mine to others, but it doesn’t stop in one area but rather moves to all areas of life as this pride takes over the whole mind of thought.

As the Lord has began to convict me of this sin in my heart I have been searching the Word for His truth to cure my soul from this plague of pride. One verse that I can’t stop reading struck me to the core:

“This is what the high and lofty One says–
He who lives forever, whose name is holy:
‘I live in a high and holy place,
but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.’”
Isaiah 57:15

My mind had somehow made up this whole separate reality, where I am always right and justified and above everyone else. The humbling reality I found here was that God is the only one who is and deserves to be right and justified because He is holy. He is high and exalted, and instead of trying to pretend that I am too, I should be saying like the Psalmist, “Who am I that you are mindful of me?”(Psalm 8:4) This is the person with whom God is pleased, the one who is humble, contrite and lowly in spirit. Psalm 51 says that God does not even want all the sacrifices and offerings that we try to bring, but rather, “A broken and a contrite heart–These, O God, You will not despise.”

A cross reference I found to Isaiah 57:15 was Psalm 138:6
“Though the Lord is on high
Yet He regards the lowly;
But the proud He knows from afar.”


I was so sad when I read this, because I knew that this is how God has to view me, “from afar.” God is holy and cannot allow sin into His presence. James 4:6 even says that God opposes those that are proud. The person who is humble is one who is repentant and righteous, growing out of their sin and into the image of Christ. That is why God is near to that person. The proud sin and make justifications for it, backing farther behind the callous of self-righteousness, they will never know God intimately or find freedom from sin, because they are not willing to confess it.

Weakened by these convictions of sin in my heart I became very discouraged. I thought that my habits of pride and being proud and judgmental must have been developing for quite some time. One night this week I even thought to myself that any progression from pride to humility in my life is a far fetched dream or dreaded process of humiliation. But the Lord provided an amazing article by a pastor named William Farley that inspired me with renewed hope and specific ways to cultivate change towards humility.

Farley says, “Humility is the chief thing in the Christian life. You can’t love without it. You can’t obey without it. Humility is not self-hatred or lack of self-confidence. Humility is the ability to see oneself, and this world, through God’s eyes. A humble man increasingly sees himself as he really is, ‘wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked” (Revelation 3:17). Ironically, this humility lays the sure foundation for real contentment, confidence, and accurate self-knowledge. By contrast, pride is spiritual blindness. And pride is that to which we are most blind.”

I was encouraged when Farley wrote about how I can learn to admit my pride and seek God’s light to clean out the darkness in my heart by immersing myself in His Word. Farley calls the Bible, “A spiritual mirror in which we see ourselves with clarity. ‘Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror‘ (James 1:23). What does this mirror reflect? It reflects my foolishness in contrast to God’s wisdom, my selfishness in light of God’s love, my weakness in contrast to His strength. This mirror reveals my growing need for humility.” Looking into this mirror is not a pretty picture of me, but a truthful one. I am thankful that God has brought me down to see the ugliness of pride in my heart, because I don’t want to go another day knowing Him from afar.
Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide.
I am weary,
But I know Your touch restores my life.


If the Lord Wills…

August 15th, 2005
“Come now you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city,
spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit’;
Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.
For what is your life?
It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.
Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that’.”
James 4:13-15

This morning I was reading James chapter four and this exhortation not to boast about our future stood out to me. James is not condemning making wise plans, but rather the way people simply live their lives, making plans and going here or there as if God does not even exist. A believer cannot live in such a way that his plans leave God out. Instead, the life and plans of a believer must be consumed with God and following after the path He is setting down before our feet, for He alone knows the future.

Five years ago I never would have thought that many things–where we live, friendships, employment or family situations– would be the way they are today. And yet I am learning that as the Lord wills, so life happens. I enjoy life much more residing contently in and diligently following God’s plans than trying to get my own agenda to happen only to realize that the world revolves around God, not me. One factor that has caused me to consider the future is the reality of change. My summer is coming to an end and I will soon be back to my nine to five days in the office. The high school students will be going back to school which greatly changes Bobby’s average work day. Some of our friends are moving from our area before the month is over, while Bobby’s family is moving to California this week. Looking at the more distant future, I realized that our baby is due six months from today. Change is all around, and this verse showed a weakness we have amidst the changes of life. We make plans to try to get some kind of handle on our circumstances by thinking we’re having a say in the changes we experience.

Our circumstances and situations in life are always changing. But more important is the spiritual change that should be happening inside of us. It would be so sad to look back on five or ten years of life and say, “I haven’t changed at all.” We should always be growing more obedient, surrendered, joyful, loving, sanctified and content in the Lord. Not only should we say,“If the Lord wills,” for our external plans, but also for our inward desires and thoughts. Each day we must be seeking the Lord and drawing as near to Him as we can. Life shouldn’t be consumed with career, family or hobbies. The pursuit of life must be Christ’s command in Matthew 6:33

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…”


This is the aim of the life of a believer. This is what the Lord wills. If I am seeking Him first, my job, family, responsibilities, school, hobbies, concerns, needs and dreams will all fall into their proper place in His will. So, what will life be like tomorrow? I don’t know. But the one thing I can be certain of is God, His plans. I want to seek Him first in the present because the only place I want to be in the future is where He leads.


A Day Off

August 12th, 2005

Today Bobby had his first day off in a long time. And we sure did enjoy it. Sleeping in, reading, Dr. Mario, going out to lunch, Borders, Starbucks and blogging…it’s been a great day of relaxation. Even more than the day off we are really enjoying Matt Redman’s new CD called “Blessed Be Your Name” which is a compilation of the favorites from his albums. Bobby wrote a great review of it at Godsong music and we’ve been playing the CD on repeat all evening.

I spent some time today cleaning out our hall closet. It is the only storage we have in our small apartment, but rather than keeping it organized so we could use all of the space, I have gotten in the habit of just throwing things in and quickly closing the door. Well, it happened sooner than I thought–I threw something in and closed the door and as I walked away I heard a bunch of the clutter crash around behind the doors. I realized at that point that if I didn’t clean it today, when was I going to?

This situation spurred on a conversation with my mom about discipline. It’s so easy to write down a list of things to be done and a whole different matter to accomplish each item. We both know an individual who is praised as being “disciplined” for paying a visit to their gym each day and only eating organic foods. I’ve heard a popular seminary professor called “disciplined” for getting up at four o’ clock every morning to study in his personal library. We all have different thoughts on what “disciplined” should look like. Usually our perspective mirrors our weaknesses. I remember one of my summer school roommates in college would get up at the same time each morning and sit at the end of her bed with her head in her pillow for half and hour. For weeks she did this and finally I asked her what she was doing. She was praying. I was profoundly struck by this because I was weak in the discipline of prayer.

For others it may be exercise or flossing their teeth…we all have areas in which we are not disciplined. For sure cluttering closets is one of mine! I’ve begun to see how a lack of discipline in my heart and mind flesh out in the way I conduct my time, home and habits. But my mom reminded me that it doesn’t matter how together someone’s life looks because they work out, eat healthy, go to bed on time and wake up early. If their heart is not engaged in the will and working of the Lord, even a great amount of discipline serves no purpose. I realized that if I take this reality into perspective with the fact that as a believer I have no reasons, only excuses for not being disciplined in the things the Lord requires of me. John Macarthur says, “Discipline is obedience to God’s Word and willingness to submit everything in life to His will, for His ultimate glory.”

It’s easy when it’s summertime or when we have a day off to use that time selfishly or waste it lazily, but I don’t see how such exceptions are made for a believer. Following Christ is not a part-time or when-I-feel-like-it commitment. It is full-time and worth every moment and sacrifice because nothing that I am giving up or any pain I’m experiencing to get things together compares to what Christ suffered in providing my salvation. I thought through some practical ways that I can grow in discipline, such as being punctual, organized, and grateful for correction. On busy days and days I hope to learn to “Be dilligent to present yourself approved to God a worker who does not need to be ashamed…” (2 Timothy 2:15)



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