“You are much to young to have a baby!”
“Having a family isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Yeah, I wish I had waited much longer to start a family because there was just no time for me after the kids came.”
“You haven’t been married long enough to start a family.”
“Kids are just so much work, it’s hard to remember that it’s worth it.”
“Get prepared to give up everything that’s important to you.”

Reading the above statements you might think that I’m referring to comments made to the feature of a talk or television show. Unfortunately this is not the case. These are all actual statements that have been said to me at various times within the six months of my pregnancy thus far. Maybe then you would think that surely I was told these things at the gym, grocery store, bank or workplace. Unfortunately this is also not the case. These are all things that I was told by people who attend my church.

This summer Bobby and I were excited to share with people that we are having our first baby. Since then numerous people approach us or make passing comments regarding family and child rearing. It seems that everyone has a tidbit to share, their two-cents on the matter. I, in particular, am approached by women (and men) I don’t even know who thrust their advice that I “should” do or not do a numerous amount of things from, “You must not have the baby in a hospital, midwife is the only way to go” to “You definitely shouldn’t find out what the baby is, it will completely ruin the surprise and magic of the day it’s born!” People either have big opinions on what to do or not do, or are intent on voicing their perspective on what having a family has meant to them.

At church on Sunday I noticed a friend’s mother was visiting from out of state. She came over and gave me a hug and we chatted briefly. Before she walked back to her seat she looked me in the eyes and said, “Having a family is a gift from God…it’s such an enjoyable experience.” This was one of only a handful of times that anyone had spoken of having a child positively to me and I was inspired.

It isn’t that I want to think life is some fairytale. I don’t want to be unrealistic. I realize that I do not know what it is like because I am not a mother yet, but I do no think that experience is more important than what Scripture says about who I must be and the purpose of my interactions with others. I am sure that all of these people mean well in sharing their thoughts and are simply hoping to give me their bent on things or a reality check. They are certain that we will have this baby and suddenly say to all of their predictions, “You were all right!”

Sadly, most people only talk about their perspective, their experience. There is an increasing focus being placed on experience. People seem to think that you don’t understand because you haven’t been where they have. Or that you shouldn’t share your thoughts unless there is some long history to back your words. It makes me wonder what happened to men and women of God who follow Him with their whole heart in obedience and faithfulness living dynamic lives of devotion to prayer, study of the Word and victory over sin. Are there even people who live this way without trumping on experience or regularly weighing in their excuses, pressures and trials? It seems to me that they are few and far between.

When it comes to the titles “wife” and “mother” the title “Christian” seems to straggle behind. So many things are justified. People act as though God’s power and grace reigns only at church and occasionally in my “quiet time” but it just doesn’t cut it when it comes to my spouse or my children. Suddenly I’m on my own trying to cope through the struggles of every day real life. Surely God doesn’t reign there.

The overwhelming majority of people who talk with me about family rarely even mention what the Bible has to say about it. I am thankful for the bits of encouragement like my mom said the other day, that when I’m up all night with the baby that I ought to use that time to spend in prayer with the Lord. Or how one person encouraged me to make sure Bobby and I spend meaningful and uplifting time together to maintain a God-honoring marriage. Most of the advice I receive tends to be more human-centered, circumstance-oriented and hopeless.

I have been searching Scripture for light on this common approach to family, circumstances and life and have found the most compelling words on this matter in Ephesians, chapters four, five and six. I encourage you to read these three chapters in their entirety, but to sum up some of Paul’s points below are some excerpts that stood out to me from these chapters. In addressing our call as believers, Scripture is clear and sometimes difficult to swallow. It is very natural to make exceptions for ourselves in regards to our circumstances, but this could never fit with the call “Follow Me”. It is important to see that a believer must mirror Christ in all. Not just in his spiritual gifts of service or role as a friend. And we must be dedicated to follow in all times and circumstances regardless of health, situation or time. Christ likeness is what we are called to in all roles–spouse, parent, sibling, child and friend.

Character

“He who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it,
and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work,
this one will be blessed in what he does.”
James 1:25