Last night Bobby, Ty and I went to the Indescribable Tour concert featuring worship leaders Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman and speaker Louie Giglio. None of us could really be described as fans of Chris Tomlin, but were drawn to the concert because of our appreciation for the writing, both songs and books, of Matt Redman, a worship leader/songwriter from England. We enjoyed singing along with him as he lead six of his own songs that we are very familiar with from worship at our own church, and probably most of you are familiar with, such as Blessed Be Your Name and Heart of Worship.

Chris Tomlin was the main man at this event, as the tour is named after his new hit song Indescribable. His style and personality are very different from Redman’s. Redman comes across very simple, gentle and even somewhat serious as it was a concert but clearly his portion of it was a time of worship that was focused and reverent….his songs also reflect this about him. Tomlin on the other hand is much louder, distracted and if I may say so…a bit showy. In turn his songs reflect such as they are more “fun” and lyric wise not resonating nearly as deep as Redman’s. Tomlin is a worship leader and has several good songs. His opening three songs were really good. I’ve heard them so many times, but he did them the best I’ve ever heard them done! I really liked the first part of the night which was comprised of Tomlin leading some of his worship style songs and Redman doing the same with the whole audience singing along. The second half of the night it became more concert-ish and performance oriented and I wasn’t as into that part of the evening.

I really enjoyed the talk from Louie Giglio. He took us through a brief lesson in astronomy showing pictures of galaxies and stars billions of miles away from earth. Giglio referred several times back to Psalm147:4 “He counts the number of the stars; He calls them all by name.” By showing how minuscule earth is in comparison to the vast universe he brought home well the psalmists awe and wonder, “Lord, what is man that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You are mindful of him?” (Psalm 144:3)

I am not very knowledgeable in the realm of science, so just hearing the astronomical measurement in distance that stars and galaxies are from us is staggering. Coupling this knowledge with the fact that all in the heavens was created by God alone (John 1:1-3) and continues in His very hand. Our little planet is just a minute speck in the realm of all things created by our magnificent God. I was deeply impressed with the reality that God is just measureless in size and scope. My mind cannot wrap around Him. Even more staggering then, is the reality of the Gospel. Hebrews 1:2-3 gives a glimpse of this wonder as it tells us that God has appointed Jesus “heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He has by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high…”

In light of this the reality of the Gospel is just so mind-blowing. That Jesus, as God, who created the great expanse and complexity of the universe, not just our little world, but everything that exists in the vast realm of the universe. That this God would humble Himself so much that He could confine Himself to the tiny planet earth and even more so, to human flesh so that He could die as the sacrifice for the sins of you and me… How can we grasp this, let alone ignore it? In light of this truth, I feel overwhelmed that so many people walk this earth thinking that life is all about them and turning their hearts against their Creator. We must face the greatness of God in the reality of Christ.

I was intensely touched by this talk but was quickly brought back to the degrading fact of man’s sin when I overheard some girls in the restroom say, “That guy’s talk was pretty good…” Another interrupted, “Are you kidding? It was so boring I was almost asleep at the end!” Clearly not all people are fallen down before Him. Maybe we still want to foolishly think that in the vastness of creation that things could still somehow revolve around us. Maybe we have closed our eyes and ears to the world around us that is crying out the majesty of God. The sad truth is that we are all guilty of this because we have all sinned. This is sin: I don’t need God. How foolish we are.

This talk shed a whole new light on the title song Indescribable. When I first heard this song I thought it was somewhat cheesy and simplistic in saying that God cannot be described. I thought, surely we could ponder who He is deep enough to describe Him in some way. But after Giglio’s talk the song held much more meaning. The chorus says:

Since the first day of fall I’ve been patiently awaiting a day of rain and last night it rained. It was so much nicer than in our old apartment–which was downstairs, we could only hear rain if it was on the window–in our new upstairs apartment we hear it pattering away on the roof all night. For some reason Bobby and I both find that sound very relaxing. We’ve been spending time this weekend and last night unpacking. We are making good progress now as we figure out where we want things and exerting the will power to just sit down, open boxes and put the items away. It’s coming together, as you can see from the living room picture before and now that we’ve put some things in place.

Today is voting day in California. I spent some time studying up on what each proposition is about and figuring out what my vote will be. I think that all citizens ought to be responsible to know what propositions are up or in the bigger elections, enough about the candidates to cast an educated vote. It seems that so many people don’t bother to go out to the polls or at least fill in an absentee ballot but then they are often the ones complaining about the laws or lack there of later. Even if you have no idea what the propositions are about, it is fairly easy to read up on the facts online. It’ll be a lot easier to decide by reading about it rather than just watching all those commercials on TV with different people trying to sway us for their cause. I hope we will all do our part and cast our votes today!

Sunday we had the opportunity to see some middle school girls baptized at our church. Each gave a brief testimony of how they had come to faith in Christ and what evidences they see of the Holy Spirit working in their lives. The last testimony stood out to me, not that her experience had been much different from the girls before her, but when asked what evidences she has of the Holy Spirit’s work she responded, “I don’t have to sin anymore.” You could see form her face that she believed this, that in her life she had been sinning because that was all she could do without the saving work or Christ, and not she was free from that bondage.

I thought a lot about this because though I know that for a believer, to sin or not so sin is a choice, I don’t always live that way. Satan must be very crafty with tempting us to think that it isn’t always a choice. So much of the time we are simply blame shifting, having self-pity or justifying wrong behavior without really addressing our heart. I have seen this happen many times in my own life, where I have sinfully ignored the root problems of sin in my heart and simply modified my behavior or kept my mouth shut so as to smooth over problems. If I were to live years like this I would end up very frustrated, self-centered and trapped.

This weekend I was presented with a situation in which I have previously done what I just described. With the girl’s testimony in my thoughts, I was convicted as the conversation unfolded and instead of changing the external I just started praying that God would help me to confront my own heart. And He did.

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of anonymous comments. This used to not be the case, I used to hardly get any comments. Today my thoughts have been sparked nostalgically about my blog. I’ve been writing this blog for almost a year. When I started it I gave the link to some of my friends and family. Through the year I have discovered other blogs and as I began to read theirs they began to read mine. For some time now I have been almost reading the blogs of total strangers almost daily. There are several dynamic Christian bloggers I read who write from Canada and across the states. It seems now that as I read regularly about their life and their walk with the Lord that we have some kind of “friendship” via our blogs.

Gradually I found that more people were reading. One day one of Bobby’s high school students commented on one of my entries. I was stunned. I never thought the high school students would be interested in what I was writing about. I remember feeling very defensive about my entries. That perhaps what I wrote was too personal, maybe I didn’t want them to read it. But it wasn’t long before my link spread and many of them tell me that they read it regularly. Shortly after this happened, one of my sisters mentioned that a few of my relatives read this blog. I never would have thought they were reading, but she said they were. I was even surprised to find out a couple of weeks ago that my bosses read this blog!

I realize that it would be foolish to act as though posting on the internet were anything confidential or even special. Even the fact that it’s put on the web pretty much makes it a free-for-all. Strangers are reading it, old college friends can google it and I would never know. The only way I know for sure who is reading is if they tell me, or leave a comment. But until recently I have only received a very small amount of comments via the site or e-mail from people who live here, or my blog “friends”. So I had often wondered about the other people who might be reading. Do they visit the page and then skim for the funny parts, personal accounts or stories? Are my words used as gossip material, not taken seriously, or used to mock me? Does reading my blog make a distant friend or relative feel closer to me, though they don’t even know me? I’m sure my readership could be described in these ways and many others. But the lesson I’m learning most about this is not in regards to the reader, but the writer.

At first thought I found it a bit unsettling that so many people were anonymously reading my thoughts. I felt somewhat invaded when I realized just how many and who were reading. I started thinking that maybe I should change what I wrote and make it less personal. Maybe I shouldn’t say specific names and try to maintain some sense of anonymity like some of my readers do. However, I am starting to come to grips with the fact that I should have nothing to hide, no matter what I say or write. There should really be no secret part of me or something that I would be ashamed to have made known. This all became more clear and convicting to me when I read this verse:

It’s been a wonderful fall week here. With the time change it seems easier to get to sleep, the weather has been cold and gloomy and we are enjoying living in just one apartment since we turned in the keys to our old one on Sunday. Now to unpack the new one…so far we’ve been able to get the kitchen and living room and most of our bedroom set up. Yesterday the mail even began forwarding. We’ve grocery shopped and done laundry–feels like we are just about all settled in.

I’m continuing to read John MacArthur’s book Our Sufficiency in Christ, and am enjoying his usual clear profundity as he unleashes Scripture shining the light of the Word into real life. Here is a portion of what I was able to read today:

I had a thought provoking conversation with a friend over dinner last night. We discussed some things happening at our church that present various rewards or challenges. She noted that it is easy when time passes to simply ignore some problems and never deal with them. In doing this we never really grow beyond them, but simply move on in spite of them. I was convicted that I do this often in my own life. It can be easy to have those “small” sins, weakness or bad habits, and think that I can simply move on from them. That in time they will just go away.

We started talking about ways that we could live much more preemptively. By immersing ourselves in he Word, maintaining genuine fellowship with other likeminded believers and seeking the guidance of godly older women. The latter has proven to be the most difficult. I find that it is really a matter of us seeking the older women out because they seem busy, disinterested or intimidated by the idea of mentoring younger women like us. All the same, I remain hopeful because I can still learn from those who are older than me. I regularly read and glean a great deal from several blogs written by older women. I also enjoy the many conversations I have with my mom as she constantly seems to have wise, practical and Biblical thoughts on life. I hope in time to be the same as these women are for us younger women, what they say is so valuable to listen to not just because they have lived more of life than me, but because they have obviously grown increasingly throughout their life in their knowledge of and obedience to Scripture.

What a blessing that God uses people in our lives to spur us on toward Christ! I’m thankful for these godly people the Lord has put in my life. They are a great source of inspiration to focus on the Lord, stay faithful in the Word and keep me humble about my sin. These people would especially be my sweet husband and his constant encouragement, Bobby’s best friend Ty and the worshipful music they record, my dear friend Missy and the fellowship we share and my mom, what wonderfully long and uplifting conversations we have.