Reality Check of the Word

November 1st, 2005

“You are much to young to have a baby!”
“Having a family isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Yeah, I wish I had waited much longer to start a family because there was just no time for me after the kids came.”
“You haven’t been married long enough to start a family.”
“Kids are just so much work, it’s hard to remember that it’s worth it.”
“Get prepared to give up everything that’s important to you.”

Reading the above statements you might think that I’m referring to comments made to the feature of a talk or television show. Unfortunately this is not the case. These are all actual statements that have been said to me at various times within the six months of my pregnancy thus far. Maybe then you would think that surely I was told these things at the gym, grocery store, bank or workplace. Unfortunately this is also not the case. These are all things that I was told by people who attend my church.

This summer Bobby and I were excited to share with people that we are having our first baby. Since then numerous people approach us or make passing comments regarding family and child rearing. It seems that everyone has a tidbit to share, their two-cents on the matter. I, in particular, am approached by women (and men) I don’t even know who thrust their advice that I “should” do or not do a numerous amount of things from, “You must not have the baby in a hospital, midwife is the only way to go” to “You definitely shouldn’t find out what the baby is, it will completely ruin the surprise and magic of the day it’s born!” People either have big opinions on what to do or not do, or are intent on voicing their perspective on what having a family has meant to them.

At church on Sunday I noticed a friend’s mother was visiting from out of state. She came over and gave me a hug and we chatted briefly. Before she walked back to her seat she looked me in the eyes and said, “Having a family is a gift from God…it’s such an enjoyable experience.” This was one of only a handful of times that anyone had spoken of having a child positively to me and I was inspired.

It isn’t that I want to think life is some fairytale. I don’t want to be unrealistic. I realize that I do not know what it is like because I am not a mother yet, but I do no think that experience is more important than what Scripture says about who I must be and the purpose of my interactions with others. I am sure that all of these people mean well in sharing their thoughts and are simply hoping to give me their bent on things or a reality check. They are certain that we will have this baby and suddenly say to all of their predictions, “You were all right!”

Sadly, most people only talk about their perspective, their experience. There is an increasing focus being placed on experience. People seem to think that you don’t understand because you haven’t been where they have. Or that you shouldn’t share your thoughts unless there is some long history to back your words. It makes me wonder what happened to men and women of God who follow Him with their whole heart in obedience and faithfulness living dynamic lives of devotion to prayer, study of the Word and victory over sin. Are there even people who live this way without trumping on experience or regularly weighing in their excuses, pressures and trials? It seems to me that they are few and far between.

When it comes to the titles “wife” and “mother” the title “Christian” seems to straggle behind. So many things are justified. People act as though God’s power and grace reigns only at church and occasionally in my “quiet time” but it just doesn’t cut it when it comes to my spouse or my children. Suddenly I’m on my own trying to cope through the struggles of every day real life. Surely God doesn’t reign there.

The overwhelming majority of people who talk with me about family rarely even mention what the Bible has to say about it. I am thankful for the bits of encouragement like my mom said the other day, that when I’m up all night with the baby that I ought to use that time to spend in prayer with the Lord. Or how one person encouraged me to make sure Bobby and I spend meaningful and uplifting time together to maintain a God-honoring marriage. Most of the advice I receive tends to be more human-centered, circumstance-oriented and hopeless.

I have been searching Scripture for light on this common approach to family, circumstances and life and have found the most compelling words on this matter in Ephesians, chapters four, five and six. I encourage you to read these three chapters in their entirety, but to sum up some of Paul’s points below are some excerpts that stood out to me from these chapters. In addressing our call as believers, Scripture is clear and sometimes difficult to swallow. It is very natural to make exceptions for ourselves in regards to our circumstances, but this could never fit with the call “Follow Me”. It is important to see that a believer must mirror Christ in all. Not just in his spiritual gifts of service or role as a friend. And we must be dedicated to follow in all times and circumstances regardless of health, situation or time. Christ likeness is what we are called to in all roles–spouse, parent, sibling, child and friend.

Character

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to
walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,
with all lowliness and gentleness,
with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,
endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3

We are instructed here to be certain that our daily living and interactions match our position in Christ. Our conduct must be worthy of the calling that we have received in salvation and that of which we are professing to be to others. If I say I am like Christ, I must live as Christ did. Paul then gives us several ways this lifestyle is characterized: “lowliness”–the humility that is foundational to Christian character as the ultimate quality of Christ; “gentleness”–a product of humility, comprised of meekness and self control; “longsuffering”–the Greek word actually means “long-tempered”; “bearing with one another in love”–All the above qualities are reflected in forbearing and continual love for others. This love talked described well in 1 Peter 4:8, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins.’” When true believers practice these spiritual qualities continually to one another there is a peace and unity that that ties them together in the Holy Spirit. Paul continues to write more on the character of believers later on in this chapter in verses 25-32 as he exhorts us to put away lying, anger, corrupt speech, bitterness, wrath and malice and instead to be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.

Ministry
“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets,
some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers,
for the equipping of the saints for the work of the ministry,
for the edifying of the body of Christ,
will we all come to the unity of the faith
and of the knowledge of the Son of God,
to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ…”
Ephesians 4:11-13

In the first part of these verses Paul shows us that we each have been given spiritual gifts from God Himself. Each gift is unique and given for a specific purpose. Being equipped to minister is the call of every Christian, not just as we are accustomed to thinking it is only the church leaders who do the ministry. We are actually the ones who do the ministry by continually living out the qualities in Ephesians 4:1-3 in such a way as to edify or nurture the development and growth of fellow believers. The goal of all who believe is in the last day to be presented complete in Christ. The goal of our every day ministry must be to help build up the faith of our family, friends and all other believers to be complete as we strive together toward Christ likeness. This is not a ministry that is only present on Sunday and Wednesday, but at all times and places. We are called here to be unified in our “knowledge of the Son of God”. John MacArthur clarifies that Paul is not referring to saving knowledge but rather the “deep knowledge of Christ that a believer comes to have through prayer, faithful study of His Word, and obedience to His commands.” This increasing knowledge matures a believer in the qualities of Christ.
Family
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath,
but bring them up in the admonition of the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22, 25; 6:1, 4
In this portion Paul addresses the specific roles of wives, husbands, children and fathers. He addresses the family. Wives are called to be characterized by submission. Submission is a freely offered yielding of oneself in loving obedience regardless of the husbands worth, education or spiritual condition. All believers are called to have this same submission to Christ as well. Husbands are called to be characterized by love. This is not some fuzzy man-defined love, but rather the love modeled for us by how God loves us. Selfless and sacrificial, the husband is called to love his wife in such a way that he will help to present her pure, spurring her on to be perfectly conformed to Christ. Children are called to obedience and honor of their parents. This is not to be done begrudgingly, but should be a willing submission to the parent’s authority as the authority given from the Lord. Even if a child has grown and moved out from the home, their relationship with their parents must always consist of honor and this willing submission to listen to and consider the wisdom of their parents. In the last verse, fathers are called to be reasonable, not provoking their children to anger or despair through domineering demands and lack of consideration. Instead a father(or mother) must be devoted to raising their children to respect the commands of the Lord. It will be clear as they follow all of the previous directions in godly living that they are patterning a life of godliness and blessing for their children.
I hope and pray that Bobby and I will be careful to heed God’s Word as He shows us how to follow Him in all ways, at all times, in all roles. I anticipate that things will challenge and test our walk with the Lord as we are tempted to return to the service of self rather than God. We will lose sleep. We will face sickness, trials, and opposition. Nevertheless, the Word of the Lord remains true:

“He who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it,
and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work,
this one will be blessed in what he does.”
James 1:25



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