Review: Helper By Design
I just finished reading Elyse Fitzpatrick’s latest book, Helper By Design. Addressing the usual list of topics for a book like this–God’s purpose for marriage, companionship, communication and submission–Fitzpatrick takes a Biblically in-depth look at what it means for a wife to support and complete her husband.
This book is fairly easy to read and covers well the aspects of a wife’s role from Scripture. I always appreciated how the author didn’t try to define things on her own or just from her experience, but always asked the question: “What does God say about me as a wife?” I was refreshed and encouraged as she unfolded many struggles women have in being a godly companion for their husbands. I was often challenged by this book to rethink ways I respond to my own husband. I began to consider how I can be a better helper to him by intentionally seeking to find ways to support him and build him up. The end of each chapter has a section called “Finding and Fulfilling Your Calling”, a list of six to eight questions to help the reader go deeper in their conviction and motivation toward being a godly wife. Many of these questions had verses for further reading and I found that when I really took time to answer them they were helpful at revealing areas I need to work on and things I needed to pray about.
I really liked Fitzpatrick’s point in a section called “Common Temptations and Logs In Our Eyes”. She writes:
God calls us to fulfill our calling in the very circumstances that
we are in. The only opportunity you have to fulfill your calling
and obey the Lord is in the now. You can’t fulfill God’s call in the
past or in the future–you’ve only got today, this minute–to
choose to follow Him or to turn aside.
by tricking me into thinking that, if only my circumstances were
different, if it were just yesterday or tomorrow, I would be obedient.
If only I had a different husband, child, vocation, church, or home,
I would perfectly fulfill God’s call. The truth that the Holy Spirit
speaks into this deception is that God has called us to obey Him
with the husband we now have; so in one sense, it doesn’t really
matter what he’s like.
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March 6th, 2006
So glad you got to finish the book. Sounds like a good one. So true that our role as wife is a priority and that obedience in this is possible. The best thing and biggest challenge that a new mother faces is prioritizing the household according to the Lord and not the world. For instance: playgroup for Tyler…a good thing. Playgroup for Tyler that costs you your time to plan and prep dinner? Not so much.
March 6th, 2006
That sounds like a wonderful book - you’ve inspired me to get it to read for myself. I am SO GLAD to see you continue to be yourself before the Lord and your husband, even during this time of transition with Tyler. Having not been there yet, the few weeks after a baby has been born have been shrouded in mystery for me - and many people imply things about them that you have proven to not be true. It is possible to put God and your husband first, even during those weeks - I am encouraged by your experience and this book.
March 7th, 2006
I’ve enjoyed Elyse Fitzpatrick’s other books too. ‘Idols of the Heart’ is a great one and ‘Women Helping Women’ is another one which she co-wrote with Carol Cornish.
January 17th, 2007
I just came across this book review of yours. I got the Helper by Design book through interlibrary loan, and it’s one I intend on buying sometime in the near future. I think the excerpt you posted was one of the things I liked so much about the book. It’s such a reminder of the sin that resides in my heart. It isn’t pretty, but necessary to have those sins revealed so that I can work on them.
I began reading Idols of the Heart at the beginning of this year. This is another good book of hers, and like another person, I’d recommend Women Helping Women also.