Review: Captivating
I’ve just finished reading the popular John and Stasi Eldredge book, Captivating. This book is designed to address the life of a woman and the role she has to play. It was written to do for women what John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart did for men. It also says that God longs to have a personal relationship with us. However this book misses the mark in making these two points. Here are some of the problems that make this book spiritually unprofitable–
-Generalizations. In the first chapter the Eldredge’s state that “every woman in her heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play and irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty.” In the rest of the book they attribute why women don’t get these three things to the fact that their “Question” hasn’t been answered. They say that every woman is asking the question “Am I lovely?” Stasi seems to take her personal experience and personal desires and attribute them to every woman. She comes from a troubled past of depression, eating disorders, abuse and sexual promiscuity–this helps the reader understand some of where she is coming from, but for her to make her own experience out to be the problems with all women is not accurate by any stretch.
Woman,’ whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for
friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Somehow she
has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that
yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be godly–the
sense that you are a failure as a woman?” (p.6)
The truth is that we are failures, all of us, men and women alike. That’s why we need Christ to save us and make us new creations (2 Cor. 5:17), set apart to do His good works (Eph. 2:10). We don’t need to feel good about ourselves or our efforts to measure up, that is the whole reason we need Christ–we don’t measure up. As believers our time on this earth is a life-long pursuit for Christ likeness. If we think the Proverbs 31 woman makes us feel bad to compare ourselves to, how do we feel when we look at ourselves compared to Jesus, who is perfect? We shouldn’t be resentful toward God’s Word, but should humbly accept what God calls us to and strive wholeheartedly to that end.
-Movies. Conclusions drawn from feelings/emotions and movies seem to be more valid than Scripture. I was surprised at how many movies they used for examples and illustrations for their points rather than looking to women in the Bible. Not only that, many of the movies they reference seem inappropriate.
-Taking Scripture out of context. The Eldredges constantly refer to the book Song of Songs to make their points. Even though this book clearly and specifically accounts Solomon’s relationship with the Shulamite maiden, this book uses verse after verse as God speaking to women.
For example, in the introduction of chapter seven Stasi tells of a walk she took one night in which she admired creation and complimented God saying, “It’s beautiful, Lord! The stars are amazing!” Apparently she “heard” a response, “I’m glad you like it, my Darling.” Stasi continues with her narrative, “I stopped dead in my tracks. I blushed. Did the God of the universe just call me ‘Darling’?” She tells how later she was reading Song of Songs and was amazed to have some sort of confirmation in chapter one verse fifteen, “How beautiful you are, my darling.”
Many other times the Eldredges make big statements without any Scriptural foundation at all. Two of the more troubling ones are:
-Confusing Biblical love with romance. Biblical love is defined as: patient, kind, not having envy, not proud, rude or selfish, doesn’t get upset easily, doesn’t think evil but rejoicing in truth, love bears all things, hopes and endures. Romance can be defined as: an emotional attraction, excitement, adventure and seeking to gain one’s favor with flattery.
-Assuming our desires are good. Throughout this book, the Eldredges seek to address women’s desires, may they be for acceptance, beauty, adventure or romance…they assume that all desires we have are God-given. They talk much about the core of a woman’s heart and the longings and desires that are there, but they never address the reality that our hearts are wicked and terribly deceived. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” At one point Proverbs 4:23 is quoted which says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” The conclusion they make from this verse is that,
dignities–as a reflection of God’s own heart. You are a woman to your
soul, to the very core of your being…When he created you as his woman
–that journey begins with your heart. Another way of saying this is that
the journey begins with desire.” (p.8)
I can have lots of desires that are self induced longings for things that God may not want there. Proverbs 3:5 gives a similar exhortation on this matter of the heart and desires: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding…” We should never assume that we have anything good in us and especially not that our own desires for things are somehow right simply because they exist. That is why I’m exhorted to guard my heart with diligence, it isn’t right or good, but deceitful and wicked.
-Vague on sin and salvation. The Eldredges do talk about God and mention salvation, but fail to do so in a clearly defined or Biblical light. In chapters three and four we are given an account of the creation and the fall where sin or salvation are referred to as “fallen Eve” or “redeemed Eve”. Sin is often referred to vaguely as having “fallen from grace”, “goes bad”, “fails” or is not “not measuring up”. The distinction of a woman being spiritually alive or spiritually dead is unclear. The Eldredges state that Satan hates women, because of her “beauty and power” (p. 85) making it seem as though the spiritual battles we face are between Satan and his evil forces and specifically women rather than believers. Another particularly troubling part claims that Christ has saved us so we can be ourselves.
broken, wounded, bleeding heart, and to set you free from bondage.
He came to restore the glorious creation that you are. And then set
you free…to be yourself.” (p. 95)
I’m very concerned about this claim, because Biblically the whole reason we’ve been set free from sin and death specifically is so that we can not be ourselves, but instead be like Christ. That’s why in 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says that “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” There are so many other issues in this book that I could address–assaulting spirits, taking medication for depression, Christian psychology, and the chapter called “Arousing Adam.” But the fundamental problem with this book is that it is woman-centered rather than God-centered. The Eldredges try to exalt women to a position that is nowhere found in Scripture.
In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam,
but with Eve… Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to
ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that
Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice
addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his
piece de resistance… Look out across the earth and say to yourselves,
‘The whole, vast world is incomplete without me.
We tried to reveal the immeasurable dignity, the holiness of your
feminine heart by showing that it is God who longs for Romance…
it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image
bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too. There
is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs.” (p. 42)
uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the
Beauty of God. More than anything else in all creation,
she embodies the glory of God. She allures the world to God. (p. 84)
This book tries to make God out to be a “lover” and our “Romancer” rather than teaching us to love Him with all our heart. If you are looking for a book that can help you grow as a godly woman, I would recommend several other authors whose books present a Biblical study of what God calls us to as women: Elizabeth Elliot, Elizabeth George, Martha Peace and Beth Moore. Some books that I’ve enjoyed in my pursuit to being a godly woman would include: Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur, Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace and Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock. I would encourage you to read any of these books and stay away from Captivating. The heresy the Eldredges are teaching in this book is not edifying for anyone to read. If you know someone who is reading this book, I would encourage you to talk with them about these problems. We need to exercise Biblical discernment and enjoy the relationship with God that He defines in His Word.
April 14th, 2006
Christa, this sounds like a re-hash of Eldgrede’s husband’s book Wild at Heart, which I read a while ago.
I felt that her husband tried to speak on behalf of all men, and when I read some passages to my husband, he said: “Well, he doesn’t speak for me.”
I had heard about Stasi’s book, and a friend shared some sections. Thanks for doing such a good review…and in the middle of all that new mommy stuff!
April 14th, 2006
Sis-
Thank you so much for your thoughts and warning about this book…I find it interesting that:
- the authors seem to encourage the readers on to the very attitude that got Satan himself cast from heaven (”The whole, vast world is incomplete without me.
Creation reached its zenith in me…”)
- the Creator seems to need the creation in order to be complete (the thought that God has any kind of void takes heresy to a whole new level)
- also the Proverbs 31 thing caught my attention…while we’re at it should we just throw the Bible out because it shows us how much we fail? That IS how godliness comes to be, being shown where you fail and changing from it. Do they dare call God’s methods faulty?
You’re right about this book, we should stay away from it…it treads on dangerous grounds.
April 15th, 2006
Thank you for your wonderful review of this book. I am glad to know what the book contains so that I can avoid it. I too am bothered by how many “Christian” books are out there now that are so far from actual Biblical truth.
April 16th, 2006
I read Captivating and you know I liked it. I was discerning when I read it and I took it simply as their story. God did not only create the Bible to be read. He has created so much more for us to be inspired by such as his creation. You seem to overspritualize every tiny word they wrote. I fully understand the importance of biblical teaching but not every book has to be the same. I agree Elisabeth Elliot, Beth Moore, Elizebeth George are excellent in their writing to and for woman. I also enjoyed hearing Staci’s take on her experience with God. Yes, we can learn from different points of view and by being open minded. It is legallistic to be so critical of two people who cleary serve the very same God we do. They were most of all honest in their writing. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with every point of view but I did enjoy their book and even the fact that yes, God is a God who loves and longs to “Romance” us into a relationship with Him just as much as He longs to Make us more and more like Him. I have to state I think your review was innacurate and based on your own belief system. I can see where you are coming from I once held alot of the same views but God has opened my heart to see so much more by being less critical and more willing to be accepting. but I do respect your right to give it.I hope my post does not offend you but I just had to respond.
April 16th, 2006
Anonymous,
First, I think that it is important that in leaving posts of this nature, that you leave your name and not write anonymously. It doesn’t help your case.
Second, you did not address, in detail, the issues that Christa brought up in her review of ‘Captivating.’ I think it would be profitable to do so since Christa has reviewd this book and calls much of it heresy; whereas you don’t seem to see it as such. At some point, one has to ask, “Well, who is right?” Simply saying things like, “I have to state I think your review was inaccurate and based on your own belief system,” is not helpful to anyone, nor is it well-supported.
Third, it is not legalism to be critical of someone’s teaching. Legalism is attempting to earn God’s favor by keeping the law. Exercising discernment and being critical of other teaching is very important. The apostle Paul is the supreme example of this. When it came to others wrongly teaching God’s word, Paul was a lion because he knew that bad teaching will lead to the harming of people’s souls.
I think it would be beneficial for you to dialog further about your concerns with Christa’s review.
Derek
April 17th, 2006
Christa,
Thank you for such a well-thought out review of Captivating. I have not read the book, but after my dad read Wild at Heart and disagreed with most everything… I knew I would not want to read Captivating.
So many Christian authors lately have written from a human-centered perspective. They want to fit God into their life, box, ideal and schedule. As humans we want to justify our deceitful heart rather than admit that is is wicked!
Anyway… thank you for your review, boldness and insights. I definately will not waste my time by reading it!
April 17th, 2006
Oh… I just read John Piper’s Challenge to Women. It is interesting to contrast the difference between your review and his challenge
http://www.desiringgod.org/library/topics/complementarianism/challenge_women.html
April 18th, 2006
Christa,
It showed a lot of love and care that you had coffee with me before writing this. I’m glad we could talk about it and agree! It was a great reminder that everything we read, no matter how “spiritual” the author may be, we have to read it with discernment and wisdom.
There’s a great quote in a book I’m reading that says, “Just because I’m a Christian and I’m trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn’t mean I’ve got it nailed. I’m contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?”
For a long time I had figured that anyone who knew more than I did about the Bible must be right in their interpretations, and then I realized that God’s Word is the only word we can depend on for the absolute truth.
I’m so thankful to have you in my life.
April 24th, 2006
hey!
Wow this is such a great review, I mean its really in depth and using the bible verses, and yes I read some more and I agree. It’s really too bad though since it was suppose to be such a good book, oh well! Thanks for warning me, because sometimes I overlook things and I’m glad I didn’t believe it, so thank you very much.
May 3rd, 2006
Christa, I thought you had some really good points in your review and I don’t want to be negative about it but I thought you were a bit too black and white. I read this book a while ago and I’ll admit that I didn’t agree with some of it, however I don’t think the whole thing needs to be thrown out.
I had to wonder exactly what you think people with depression are supposed to do if they can’t use medication, can’t get healing “Christian psychology” and can’t “assault spirits”. However nice it might be to believe, there are so many more factors determining our behavior than just choice. And that does not mean that we have no responsibility. Spiritual warfare, prayer ministry/christian psychology (as long as it is completely focused on Jesus) and even medication (extremely short term just to get people to a place where they can begin the healing process) are all essential for people that cannot escape depression.
I guess its important to remember that we are all different, and sometimes we need different things to get us close to God. For me, I felt that the book drew me closer to Jesus, that I saw a loving side of him that I hadn’t seen before and it made me want to obey him more than thinking of God as loving but more because he has to, that I’m not special and he’s just waiting to judge me ever could. I have been a Christian most of my life and while I knew in my head that he loved me it hadn’t quite got into my heart. Without his love we are nothing - we love because he loved us first. Without the incredible love that Captivating talks about, how can we love? His ways are so much higher than ours, he created love! How can we love more than he can?
Captivating is not the Bible, I think we need to take the messages from it that are right - God loves us so so much. He created us to be amazing and the world is incomplete without us! Not that it means we should be proud because we only reflect the glory of God. Yes, we’ve gone astray and we need Jesus to take away our sins. Only He can make us into who we were created to be. We are special because he made us!
I think where you said biblically we need to not be ourselves but be like Christ is misunderstanding what the Eldredges meant. As we have more of Christ we will become more like him and more the way that he created us to be. He does not come in to our hearts to make us into clones, but created us differently for a reason. Remember the talents parable - if we just turn into “good Christians” bury everything that is us, he will not be pleased.
Many bible scholars do see Song of Solomon as God talking to his people. How do you explain Hosea and Revelation where He calls himself our husband?
He loves us with an incredible, everlasting love and his love, grace and mercy give us the power through his spirit to love others and become who we are supposed to be
January 8th, 2007
Christa,
“Long Time No See!” Boy! Reading this brought me back to our counseling days together!
Great Job on this “critique”
I appreciate your thorough, firm but gentle review and warning about this book. It’s encouraging to see a fellow grad still using your skills and and gifts to bless and warn others. I know that this will be a blessing to many women.
FYI - I also read “Femine Appeal” by Carolyn Mahaney (as well as some of the others you mentioned) and was so encouraged and challenged by her book! I also highly recommend it to other women as a very Biblical help for us in our daily walk of striving for Biblical womanhood.
Thanks for sharing with us!! Congratulations to you and Bobby and your baby! Take care!
Tricia
March 21st, 2007
I am so glad to find this. I am studying this book in a Bible study and was beginnig to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I did not feel the way the book said that women should feel and think. I did not want to say anything in the group because I did not know how everyone else felt. At some points I would read things that would make me angry because they were so off.
April 15th, 2007
Thanks for your comments on this book. I have just read it and was surprised that I was so annoyed by it. It does make some good points and I’m sure that some wounded women have been ministered to through it, and no doubt through John and Stasi’s ministry work, but there are better books on women’s needs and how God meets their needs in his loving ways.
The Eldgredges’ loose use of Scripture out of context is not good and the generalisation from severely wounded women to all women is not realistic.
Many women do need healing prayer and need to know God’s healing in their lives, as well as salvation. But there are other books that address these needs far more clearly and, I think, accurately.
I am surprised that this book has been so acclaimed and is so much recommended to young women. I suggest that people look for other books to recommend.
April 22nd, 2007
This is just a request for prayer. I am writing my final paper for my Ethics class on Eldredge and how his work influences Christian ethics. This is difficult, because my school strongly supports Eldredge, and I have been under his influence for a few years now. I have always had an issue with Wild at Heart-I relate too well to it (Maximus and Wallace are my heroes, too). When Captivating came out, I thought I was going to vomit. Both had some good, even essential things to say, that deeply effected my relationship with God, but a lot of it did severe damage as well, which I am discovering more clearly as I research Ransomed Heart’s theology. I am now in the place to stand up for what I believe, and stand against the kind of brainwashing that can occur when we swallow the “authority” of authors like Eldredge, hook, line, and sinker.
I am sorry that our Church is so easily misled. I am sorry that the only people talking about the beauty of God, and the story of God (so iessential to understand) are those who do not understand the true nature of either.
It is hard to pull away from all this, and look objectively at what I have been fed. Sometimes I just don’t know what to think anymore. I am wrestling, and I am grieving. Please pray for me.
October 28th, 2007
Christa,
Greeting from Chile!
Thank you for writting this review! I started the book last night (the spanish version) and I realized the many problems the book has. I pray to God that the many women that have read this book trying to find significance and God’s love for them, they may find it but only through Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross. It is there where our value is! Thanks again!
November 6th, 2007
[…] Of particular interest to me was the book review section, where Christa reviews Captivating (it didn’t fare too well, but her analysis is thoughtful) and Beautiful (which fared much better). Though I haven’t read the blog, it appears to appeal well to women, mothers, and women’s ministry. Here is a post relating to The Excellent Wife which might prove encouraging to you. […]
November 27th, 2007
Thanks for the review. Very insightful and helpful. I do have a Q though (I’m not asking this to be difficult - just because I really want to know and understand): you seem to disapprove of taking medication for depression, why is this? I can’t see a problem with correcting chemical problems with medication (neither do I think that’s the whole answer, for something like depression, but for many people it’s at least part of the answer), and particularly not for illnesses like bipolar disorder, which is what Stasi was apparently referring to when she mentioned medication in Captivating. Please advise… Thanks
May 26th, 2008
I have almost finished reading this book and it has been an absolute blessing. I totally agree with anonymous. There might be things that confront our traditional ways. Isn´t that what Jesus did all the time? In my case, I also feel more loved, more in love with my dear Lord after Captivating. It will never replace my Bible studies, it simply added spice to this deep Love for my Creator…Blessings to All!