Last week I finished reading Martha Peace’s new book Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face. Most people are familiar with Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife and this book is just as poignant and biblically sound. Peace writes with spiritual depth and encouraging clarity as she addresses problems that women have with others, self and the world.In eleven chapters Martha covers gossip and slander, idolatrous emotional attachments, manipulation, hurt feelings, vanity, PMS, legalism, the feminist influence, the role of women in the church and trials. Seeing that list, I knew this book would be convicting! And it is, but she does not condemn and leave us feeling guilty. Martha’s heart for helping women comes across very genuinely in her writing and her purpose it truly to exhort her readers to help them change.

In the first chapter Martha writes–

There is nothing, however painful, that we must go through in vain. God will not only help us, but He will also use all things for our good and for His glory. What a comforting thought when we are in a trial or undergoing terrific pressure or temptation!

She urges the reader to keep this perspective in all our struggles. This encouragement is especially timely as she continues to write very black and white about our struggles and how no excuses will do. If we have a 1 Peter approach to our weaknesses The Lord can accomplish His change in us.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you at the proper time,
casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:6-7

There were a couple of sections that I thought about quite a bit. The first was from chapter 4–Manipulation: I’m supposed to respond how? Martha writes–

Sinful manipulation is using unbiblical words and/or your countenance to bully another person into letting you have your way. All the while you know that if you cannot have your way, you can at least punish the other person in the process.

You know you are guilty of sinful manipulation when you don’t graciously take “no” for an answer and keep trying to convince the other person to let you have your way. Certainly there may be times when an appeal is appropriate, but if the answer is sill “no,” then you must see it as God’s will for you at the moment.

She breaks manipulation down into a chart of tactics that women try with their husbands, parents, friends and children. She sees that most verbal manipulation falls into one of these categories: sweet talk, begging, crying, anger, the cold shoulder, accusations, and threats. She calls us to put off manipulations and let all we say and do be done in love.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but with humility of mind regard one another
as more important than yourselves.”
Philippians 2:3

The second one is from chapter 5, Hurt Feelings: What difference does it make what he intended? Martha tries to be clear on the differences between intentional and unintentional hurts. I am amazed at the authoritative clarity with which she describes these two problems.

She writes about intentional hurts–

Intentional hurts are sinful. They may be in the form of slander, name-calling, malicious comments and acts, or cruel threats. Whatever the form, you can overcome them only be responding righteously, not by adding additional wickedness.

I was a little surprised at the bluntness of what she says about unintentional hurts–

Unintentional hurts are sinful on the part of the person perceiving something as hurtful. Often the person perceiving something as hurtful is overly sensitive, shy, proud, and self-absorbed. Whatever form their sin tends to take, they are to have a righteous, humble response to others.

Instead of being offended and hurt, we must learn to give others the benefit of the doubt…We must be willing to feel uncomfortable in order to help others feel comfortable. It is never pleasant to feel uncomfortable, but it is a mark of maturity when your concern is greater for another person’s feelings than your own.

This is just a sample of this book, and I hope that you will take time to read the rest for yourself. Martha Peace cuts through the self-esteem, entitlement, feministic message that many authors use in an attempt to help women in their problems and she speaks authoritatively from God’s Word helping women see how He cares for us deeply and tenderly–even when we think others don’t understand our struggles–and also that He is holy and requires our obedience in all areas of life. Only in Him can we be free from sin and victorious over these problems.