January 24th, 2007
A couple of weeks ago I posted some thoughts on Biblical womanhood. (Click here to read that blog) There is a lot of confusion and frustration associated with our roles that is due, in part, to our culture, and also the church, trying to redefine what it means to be a godly woman. People are trying to recreate roles for women because they don’t like what and who God says women are in His Word. One of the philosophies that seems to have influenced us most is the feminist movement. Martha Peace said,
It’s not a matter of “if” we have been influenced, but “how much” our ears have been tickled to think in terms of what the feminist philosophy dictates…Christians must learn to think through issues by viewing them from God’s perspective.
That is my hope, that we could evaluate, from God’s perspective, some a few of the ways we have been influenced by feminism. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33) and does not leave us to figure out our roles on our own, from His Word we can learn and live what it means to be a woman that pleases Him.
As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night–she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question–”Is this all?”
At some point in their lives, most women have come face-to-face with personal frustration with their role as a woman, and more specifically as a wife and a mother. The above quote is from the first page of the famous book The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan. Since the 1960’s, beliefs like Friedan’s have impacted our society and unfortunately also the church. Most Christian women would not consider themselves feminists, but in subtle ways we have allowed our thoughts and lives to travel down some of the same paths of feminists like Betty Friedan.
Entitlement Complex–”I deserve better than this!”
Perhaps it is only sick or immature society that chose to make women “housewives,” not people. Perhaps it is only sick or immature men and women, unwilling to face the great challenges of society, who can retreat for long, without unbearable distress, into that thing-ridden house and make it an end in itself.
-The Feminine Mystique, 232
This concept of entitlement has become the norm. You shouldn’t have to put up with that, deal with this–you deserve something better. Without any Biblical foundation we have embraced the idea that “I deserve_______.” And will stand by that even if we are badgering our husbands, yelling at our children, estranging friends and feeling less and less joy each day. We think that “If I don’t stand up for my rights…no one else will…or…people will walk all over me.” But we will end up clenching so tightly to all that we “deserve” and will progressively become more unhappy. In her book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, Nancy Leigh De Moss reflects on some of the typical rights that Christian women assert they are entitled to have.
Today it is assumed that…
- you have a right to be happy;
- you have a right to be understood;
- you have a right to be loved;
- you have a right to a certain standard of living, to an equitable wage, and to decent benefits;
- you have a right to a good marriage;
- you have a right to companionship and romance;
- you have a right to be treated with respect in the workplace;
- you have a right to be valued by your husband and appreciated by your children;
- you have a right to time off and a certain number of vacation days;
- you have a right to a good night’s sleep;
- you have a right to have your husband pitch in with the household chores.
And most important, if any of your rights are violated, you have a right to protest.
-Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, 75
This tendency to claim our rights makes me think of Jonah who thought he had a he had a right to see the Ninevites judged by God. Ninevah repented and God withdrew His judgment. This is not what Jonah thought should happen–”Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.” (Jonah 4:1) He was so upset that he wanted to die, but the Lord responded to Jonah’s anger by confronting his supposed rights–”Have you any right to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4) Jonah’s reply is–”I do…I am angry enough to die.” (Jonah 4:9)
Jonah thought that he could control his environment and demand that things go his way. When life was not happening the way he wanted, he felt that he was justified in being angry about it. As he kept insisting on his rights all that did was make him more angry and separated from God.
Too often I can sound like Jonah, annoyed and uptight about circumstances or outcomes in my life. When the smallest “right” is violated I respond defensive of my rights and angry. Have you ever found yourself responding like Jonah–if your husband makes a decision you don’t agree with, rude words from a family member, being woken up from sleep by a child before you planned–too often we women respond to these situations acting moody, uptight and angry. But the only way to avoid being in that downward spiral Jonah was in is to not claim my rights but yield them to the Lord. He is the only one who truly deserves anything.
In Philippians 2:5-8 Christian women are called to yield our rights and embrace Christ’s example.
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who
being in the very form of God, did not consider it robbery
to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation,
taking the form of a bondservant…He humbled Himself and
became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.”
Identity Crisis–”Who am I?”
Women, as well as men, can only find their identity in work that uses their full capacities.
The Feminine Mystique, 336
The question of a woman’s identity is at the heart of the feminist movement. Feminist philosophy proclaims the unfairness of a woman’s identity being wrapped up in just her family or home. Women began to feel that they were oppressed having to care for the home and children, missing out life by working for their homes and families. Somehow who I am becomes lost when I become a wife and mother. Men are out in the workforce dealing with “important” things all day while women are confined to the home doing what is “unimportant.”
One profound way that feminism has influenced Christian women is seen in something as simple as how we talk about our roles. When I stopped working shortly before my son was born someone said to me, “So now you’re going to just be a stay-at-home mom…you can wear pajamas till noon and watch TV all day!” We love the idea of a happy family, home cooked meals, a clean organized house, well behaved children and a loving marriage but we have a negative, even degrading perception of women in a domestic roles. One woman put it this way–
Much of the world would agree that being a housekeeper is acceptable as long as you are not caring for your own home; treating men with attentive devotion would also be right as long as the man is the boss in the office and not your husband; caring for children would even be deemed heroic service for which presidential awards could be given as long as the children are someone else’s and not your own.
-Where’s Mom?, p.21
For the Christian woman, both sides of this coin are wrong–our identity doesn’t come from our husband, children or home, but it doesn’t come from our education, career or accomplishments either. A Christian woman knows that her identity is found in her personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Paul describes this in Galatians 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live,
but Christ lives in me;and the life which I now live in the flesh
I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
As a Christian, my identity is in Christ. My life then must reflect Him in loving and giving myself for others, just as He did. My old ways of thinking and demanding my own way must become subject to Christ. Now He lives in me, meaning that His characteristics will be seen in me. This isn’t easy. There is immense pressure for women to “do more” than just being a stay-at-home mom, to “be more” than just a wife. It is a lifelong challenge to resist self and grow in our desire to please the Lord.
Role Confusion–”I’m supposed to do what?”
To make one half the human race consume its energies in the functions of housekeeper, wife and mother is a monstrous waste of the most precious material God ever made.
The Feminine Mystique, 85
For some women getting married is much more of a shock than the fairytale they thought it was going to be. Many women think they need a husband to be happy or that their husband’s role is to make them happy. After some time in marriage women start to realize that their relationship with their husband is not as easy as they thought it would be. Why can’t he?…Why does he?…And what is this submission thing anyway? I wish more women had a firm grasp of the concept that the ultimate goal in marriage is not our personal happiness but God’s glory.
When women see that things in their marriage aren’t happening how they had always dreamed or assumed, they start to try take things under their control and fix it. Most women don’t really know what God has to say about their role, or assume all the Bible has to says about wives is summed up in submission. When we don’t study Scripture to understand our role, we might be led to believe that our roles need to be reassigned to work better with modern times.
God, not man, determined how best and in what role women were to give Him glory. It is a joy and privilege to serve God, but we can do it rightly only on His terms.
Damsels In Distress, 143
We can’t redefine a wife’s role (or in general, a woman’s role) simply because we don’t understand or don’t like what the Bible says. God created us and He told us how we are to live. It isn’t a mystery! And as we study God’s Word and maturing in our understanding we will be more discerning of the ways we have been influenced by feminism.
See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception,
according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the
world, rather than according to Christ. (Colossians 2:8)
Martha Peace writes some very encouraging words about this passage in her chapter “The Feminist Influence”–
The only way we will not be taken captive by the feminist beliefs is through the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s grace enabling us to study and believe and embrace what God has told us in His Word. What God has told us in His Word is that women are not victims. We are creatures created in God’s image for the purpose of proclaiming His excellencies (1 Peter 2:9)
Damsels In Distress, 143
To be continued…
It’s hard to believe that another week has come and gone especially the last one in January! Bobby and Tyler continue to feel better. Bobby’s cough is almost cleared up. Tyler is better form his cold/flu, but is cutting in some top teeth, so is still not feeling the best. I think the pain in his gums and jaw affect his desire to eat because he doesn’t want the pressure of chewing harder to chew foods or even drinking out of his sippy cup. That’s been a challenge for me because I know he needs to eat and drink and it hasn’t been easy the last few days to get him to do that. One thing he has come to love is our daily walk to the park to go on the swings. Our condo community has their own park and I’ve been taking him there almost every day. Despite the teething and not 
being very excited about eating, he somehow continues to be such a happy little guy. Last night I was looking at some pictures of him I had uploaded to my computer and I just thanked the Lord for him. He is such a joy in my life!After church today we arranged a casual housewarming open-house for my friends and two of our high school ministry leaders, Missy(right) and Meisha(left). They moved into a great little apartment earlier this month. The girl in the middle is Meisha’s friend from college who will move in at the end of the summer. I sure enjoyed just sitting in their new and fellowship with friends.
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It’s been a challenging week here at our house. Monday night Tyler came down with the flu again–we had a long night. I was on the phone with the doctor’s office all day Tuesday as poor Tyler battled a fever. It was so hard to see the thermometer reading 103F. By night it had come down to 99F and we never had to take him in. Bobby had to stay home again from work Tuesday, because he can’t seem to shake what he has. By today its settled into a bad cough, but the humidifier is really helping. I don’t know how, but I have not gotten sick during this whole escapade, so hopefully I’ll stay that way and they will be 100% well soon. The picture on the left is of Tyler at my brother-in-law’s wedding, I just saw it at his blog today and I couldn’t resist posting it here!
