Blakeyblog

Sin is the only thing that will keep a woman from becoming a godly wife…It is failing to trust in and do what God’s Word says. Sin is wanting to do things her own way rather than God’s way. It is presuming God will help her even when she is neglecting His truth. Sin is thinking she can get by without God’s help…When a wife trusts in Jesus Christ as her Savior and Lord, He saves her from the death grip of sin. She is no longer a slave to sin. (The Excellent Wife, p. 6)

The problem of sin is discouraging. Christians are free from the “death grip” of sin, but we will struggle with it until we are in the presence of the Lord. I remember a time in our first year of marriage and I was face to face with my sin and I felt hopeless. Marriage can have a way of magnifying our faults and I came to a point where I just cried out to Him, “Lord, I can’t do this, I just have too much sin!” Maybe you’ve come to a place like that before, where you consider all that you have to do and be as a wife and just think, “I can’t even do this!” I know that for me I had allowed my sin to grow so that self become so huge that taking the next step of obedience seemed impossible.

But John 14:16-17 became my hope later that day and I recall it regularly since:

“And I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever, that is the Spirit of Truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, but you know Him because he abides with you and will be in you.”

We can look at the godly example we have in Proverbs 31 and feel very overwhelmed by it. Twenty traits describe this excellent wife–trusted, kind, fears the Lord, blessed by her children, careful, praised, not afraid, worker with hands, wise, generous, good to her husband, of exceptional worth, and respectful to her husband. Most of us probably look at this list and think , “Who can be that excellent?” The key is that we don’t do it alone. We are called to be our husband’s “helper” and God has given us a “Helper” that is with us and leading us along this journey, now we need to follow…

I don’t know what it is about folded laundry that drives Tyler crazy. If I leave the room with nicely folded piles of clothes on the floor, when I return they are all in one big heap! It’s so funny because Tyler likes it when I pull the warm clothes out of the dryer. He jumps on them and buries his face into them. I’ve started folding the clothes during his nap because if he’s awake, he makes a bee-line over to the pile and abruptly shakes it out and then crawls away. Such a funny little dude!

It’s been a great week with Tyler. It seems that every day he is maturing more and learning something new. When I was reading him some books tonight before bedtime I was thinking about how Tyler is so precious and so beautiful–He is a gift from the Lord, but he still needs Jesus to be Lord of his life. On Bobby’s blog this week he wrote about Tyler’s birthday and how Tyler has sin and that he is praying for God to save him. One of our students even left a comment saying that he is praying for Tyler to become a Christian.

I was really touched by that because spending all my time with Tyler, it’s easy to see how sweet he is but acting out his sin is becoming more obvious. The baby professional books and websites say he won’t understand right from wrong till he’s three years old, but I think they are kidding themselves. We can’t force Tyler to become a Christian. And we can’t just expect that because we both are and are raising him to know who God is will ensure that he will surrender to the Lord. I was realizing tonight that we need to be faithful to raise him in the “way he should go” and always pray, every day for his salvation.

Psalm 53 was the Psalm-of-the-Day over at Godsongmusic and verses 2-3 really stood out to me:

God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. Everyone has turned away, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.

Little children seem so sweet and innocent, but that cannot save them. They are not inherently good, in fact we are sinful from conception on (Psalm 51:5) and in need of a Savior. God looks down on earth for someone who is seeking him, but he doesn’t find anybody because on our own we cannot seek Him. I’m reminded of John 15:5 where Jesus says, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” I want this to be a lesson that I can pass on to Tyler, my dependence on the Lord. His salvation is the biggest thing I can give up to the Lord.

Sometimes I can fool myself into thinking that there are things I can do on my own. Salvation, big life changes–I definitely need God to do those, but day-to-day things I’ve got covered. But I can’t do anything apart from Him, not even laundry. I think that a lot of the time we don’t want to depend on him because it makes us feel bad about ourselves. We think, “But, I can do some things really well, I don’t want to be weak and lame, like I’m not capable of doing something.” But this isn’t about us, it’s about God. If we are His children, everything we do should be in His strength and to give Him glory.

I was talking with some friends this weekend about Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife. Neither had read this book, but I think they would love it! Some women authors have a way of writing that lightens the Biblical message they are trying to teach by trying to appeal to the emotions or through psychological aspects. Something I really like about Martha Peace is that she does not sugar coat the truth. She doesn’t come across as cold or heartless either. Seasoned with grace and love for her sisters in Christ, Peace is efficient at speaking God’s Word into women’s lives. She is soundly Biblical and her passionate dedication for God and His Word is personally motivating. If you have not read this book, let me encourage you to visit Amazon.com and get your copy today! If you aren’t convinced, maybe Wednesday’s on Blakyblog can change your mind…

Because of that conversation with my friends, I had the idea to blog about a segment from The Excellent Wife each Wednesday. I definitely want to be growing into the wife that God wants me to be and I think that taking some time to blog through this book can help spark my thoughts into action…and I hope yours as well. If you are not married, let me encourage you to be a part of the discussion. Someday you probably will be and it would be great to learn these principles now.

“An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.”
Proverbs 31:1

God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day. Whether her husband is a faithful Christian man or an unbeliever, God wants every Christian woman to be a godly wife–an excellent wife.

What really stands out to me is that God’s will for me as a wife isn’t just getting by, barely making it or coping in this role–His will is excellence. I looked up “excellent” in the dictionary and it means “superior, very good of its kind.” This excellence is not hinged on externals. It is not dependent on our husband. Even if he is not a believer, you can be a godly wife of excellence.

The idea of excellence can be overwhelming and though many women want to be this way, they just don’t think it’s possible for them. The encouraging truth is that as a child of God, we have the promise of 2 Peter 1:3

“…His divine power has granted to us
everything pertaining to life and godliness,
through the true knowledge of Him
who called us by His own glory and excellence.”

It is so exciting to think that I have been called by God’s own excellence to be excellent! My responsibility is to depend on God’s Word–being a doer, not just a hearer (James 1:22)–this is how we can become who God wants us to be.

Even in those cheerless time which will come, we can affirm that they are neither the terminus nor the norm of experience. Instead, they are points of growth from which can emerge a clearer vision of how to reflect the splendor of God and the joys of personal relationships. God means for us to finish strong.

This quote is from the introduction to Gail MacDonald’s book–High Call, High Privilege: A Pastor’s Wife Speaks to Every Woman in a Place of Responsibility. I like this quote because “finishing strong” is something that I think about and pray for often. At the end of Paul’s life he writes to Timothy,

“I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.”
(2 Timothy 4:7)

I remember reading this verse in a Bible class my first year of college and being inspired by Paul’s confidence. I talked about it with my professor after class because I was baffled that Paul could say “I have,” I asked my professor if that was a little arrogant and assumptive of Paul. At the time I thought most people should say it this way, “I’ve tried to fight the good fight, I’ve finished as much of the race as I could, I’ve done my best to keep the faith.” The professor explained to me that through God’s power, Paul was able to accomplish all that the Lord had called him to do in this life. God had saved Paul and then had completed the good work He had started in him. He said, “God can do this work in your life too, so that one day you could say these things with confidence.”

High Call, High Privilege is a testimonial/autobiography of MacDonald’s journey through life in church ministry. Her statement “God means for us to finish strong” is a theme that stood out to me throughout the book. Even when she faced disappointment, testing, pain and brokenness, she viewed them as “points of growth” in her walk with the Lord and was able to find joy in them. Her story was a huge inspiration to me of an example of a supportive wife, loving mother, and gentle and nurturing friend to all around her.

This book is brimming with practical lessons. As I read it I began to put in to practice some of MacDonald’s disciplines that have shaped her life and ministry. MacDonald writes in such a personal way–weaving Biblical thought throughout her story–I began to think of her as a mentor to me. Some of things the Lord taught her were so encouraging–

Tend The Fire Within

In the first chapter MacDonald presents this concept of “time at the fire.” She tells a story that as a new Christian, she heard an old missionary speak and he said, “Untended fires soon die and become just a pile of ashes.” He said that the fire burns in the heart of the one who follows Christ and this flame cannot go unmanaged or it will dwindle into ashes.

MacDonald writes:

My life was altered by that simple statement…It all begins with the fire within and your heart attitude. Tending the fire within is another way of talking about being open to the presence of Christ. It is what makes me long for his likeness, offers direction and stability, established proper motives and responses. Here is is that the real issues of the Christian faith are thought out and pressed into action. (p. 2)

I really liked this analogy of my relationship with Christ as a fire. John gives us an account of Christ with His disciples that made this concept poignant for me. In John 21 Christ is risen and the disciples see Him and make their way to shore. When they get there He is sitting with a fire and breakfast. This idea of us meeting Jesus at the “fire” to eat and learn is profound. Spending time in prayer with the Lord, studying His Word is vital and this is where life starts. Until this is understood and actualized all we are doing is in vain.

MacDonald closes her thoughts on this concept by writing:

It takes time to come to the fire, it takes effort to keep the fire burning, it takes a willingness to become quiet enough to hear what God might be saying and it takes courage to snuff out the competing sounds and demands that attempt to shorten or neutralize the effect of the fire time.

But here is the great choice that must be made virtually everyday. Do I give priority attention to tending the fire within, or do I surrender to the alternatives of busyness, hurry, people pleasing, or the seemingly urgent that slowly starves my spirit and my resolve to be the woman God wants me to be? If that fire burns brightly, I share the experience of the disciples; of it dwindles unattended, I am gradually surrounded by a chill marking the onset of weakness and confusion. (p. 5)

Be Hospitable

Romans 12:13 commands believers to “practice hospitality.” Hospitality is a spiritual gift (1 Peter 4:9) and one I have seen the Lord develop in my own life. I really gleaned from MacDonald’s thoughts on this–

We decided to use our home as a tool…Gordon and I wanted to know people better and to serve them. We were hoping that people would be drawn to one another as a result of being in our home. Those nights added a warmth and an acceptance in many people’s hears that would not have happened had we not developed such close contact.

What a beautiful lesson. This so resounded with me, that I immediately talked with Bobby about making our home open to people so that we can know and serve them. I desire those same things MacDonald shares for my home. Too often we feel disconnected and distant from people in our church bodies, even friends, because we allow ourselves to become too busy and closed to be bothered with having to straighten up the house and fix a nice meal. I hope this is something the Lord will continue to work out in our lives as we make ourselves more open to people by being hospitable to them!

What is your sermon?

If you are a wife of a husband who teaches, you know the rigors that a pastor puts into his sermon. Each week I try to devote myself to helping Bobby prepare his sermon. That doesn’t mean I’m sitting with him going over Greek verbs and Bible commentaries. But I try to do what it takes to help him prepare a sermon that will be a tool in God’s hand to work in the lives of our students. MacDonald writes about supporting her husband in this way and shares about an insight her husband had about her asking,

What is Gail’s sermon? It’s the home she prepares for the children and me. Gail preached her sermon when she cooked a meal…kept the house neat, and planted flowers in the front yard.

I really related to this concept of a “home” sermon. MacDonald writes about how her husband wanted to hear and enjoy the “sermons” in her life. This point was particularly motivating for me because I asked myself, “Do I give myself rigorously and carefully to what God has called me to do?” God has called Bobby to preach sermons. He has called me to do something for Him. Am I working diligently to deliver those “sermons” in my life?

I have benefited from numerous other lessons from this book. MacDonald writes about marriage, children, relating better with people, being a godly friend. If you read this book, do so with discernment, as you should respond to everything. Some of her conclusions I did not share–she writes a lot about the temperaments. In chapter ten she reveals a dark time in her life when she struggled through the pain of her husband having committed adultery. For a couple of weeks I couldn’t finish reading because I had come to respect this couple so much and then was bulldozed by the grueling reality that this pastor and husband had not kept his calling. I was very disappointed, not by the fact of sin, but that the two of them kept this secret for a time while he still held the position he was no longer qualified to hold. Later they even returned to the position of pastor, so the book’s end was not as high as it started.

I would recommend this to any woman who’s life is devoted to ministry, not just a pastor’s wife. I was sharpened and encouraged by MacDonald’s journey and I hope that someday I will be able to look back over so many years and see God’s hand at work in my life and our ministry.

Saturday we celebrated Tyler’s first birthday! People are right when they tell new parents, “Enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast.” So much has happened since last February that it seems like Tyler has been with us for a really long time. But then I also think, “Has it really been a year already?” (You can see mine and Bobby’s first year pictures above!)

I looked at Tyler’s baby book this weekend and can see how he’s grown since this time last year. The growth seems small–learning to sleep though the night, push up on his hands or eat solid food–but those were all necessary to keep growing. Now he is walking along furniture and walls (still hasn’t tried to stand alone!) and talking to us. Last week Tyler said, “Apple.” There’s also a big difference in how he is much more interactive in playing with toys and he remembers certain people and is happy to see them again. He has even started giving me hugs and kisses and I love that!

This weekend Bobby had the opportunity to teach 1 Thessalonians chapter 1 in the main services. He talked about how to evaluate your spiritual progress. Bobby mentioned Tyler’s birthday and how his growth is obvious, but it isn’t always like that in the Christian life. Our growth doesn’t hinge on physical time passing, but on developing godly habits of responding to the Word joyfully even in trials, serving with the whole heart and echoing the gospel to everyone we know. With Tyler, I can see his growth by just looking at pictures from the hospital and then looking at him now. In our lives we should be able to see marked spiritual growth with the passing of each year.

On Saturday we had a small party. It was so fun to have people gathered to celebrate Tyler with us. Our lives have been so enriched with joy by Tyler. At the party Bobby prayed for Tyler, that he would come to know the Lord. And that is my prayer every day. I am so thankful that the Lord has made him a part of our family but I will always hope that he will become a part of God’s family.

Click here for more pictures from the party.