I don’t know what the deal is with my blogging habits these last two weeks.  I think I’ve just been lazy.  All week we’ve been staying at our friend’s house with their daughter while they are out of town, so not having my computer is part of why I haven’t blogged, but I could have just used the one I’m writing on now…anyway, no more excuses. 

Yesterday Tyler was not feeling well.  He wasn’t hungry and had a fever.  I think he’s just cutting in his top teeth, but it’s so sad to hear him crying and he doesn’t want to do anything, just have me hold him and walk around the house.  He’s much better this morning though.  There are stairs at this house so we’ve been teaching Tyler that he can’t just jump down them–I don’t know why he thinks he can do that and still be okay at the end–but that he has to turn around and go feet first backwards down one step at a time.  I think he’s getting the hang of it.

The Lord has been showing me some tough things to face in my heart and life this week.  I’m usually a pretty calm person, but I’ve really been noticing that when my circumstances and externals don’t go right, I don’t respond right.  How calm and peaceful I am has been largely hinged on my circumstances.  If everything is orderly and going according to plan I’m great, if not, I’m all upset.  Because of pride I find this a hard thing to face in myself and admit to.

Being here at our friends house involves some of these externals that aren’t the normal way I have things and I became very discouraged to see the nastiness of my own self-seeking sin fleshing out as I want to control my environment and make everything be how I want it to be.  The other night I had to take some time to sit down with the Lord about this.  I felt broken about this horrible attitude becasue I do not want to continue this way.  I flipped through my Bible and read a few verses about peace–

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

The kind of peace that God gives is not hinged on anything but Him.  It is regardless of how I feel, and the circumstances, trials or difficulty I face.  Things around me are always changing.  I am always changing, but God is constant.  He needs to be the anchor holding me down at all times.

I know that isn’t how I’ve been living.  This is an area in my life where what I know and what I do are not always the same thing.  I needed that time to face it and just pray, “Okay, Lord, I will change.”  I don’t want to live foolishly, trying to control things when I need to rest in God who really does control all things. That is what I am now working toward–praying for and practicing His promise of peace.