People think that “dating” is how the world does it, “courting” is what Christians should do, but really it doesn’t matter what you call it. Young people are always looking in their Bible concordance for the words “dating” or “courtship” but neither of them are actually in there. Just because the Bible doesn’t use those words, God has a lot to say about relationships. He calls it “love.”

This weekend we started a new series for our high school students called, “God Calls It Love.” My husband Bobby (who is a high school pastor) will be teaching a four week series to train our students to think and re-think guy-girl relationships in their lives.

This first lesson was a powerful look at Ephesians 5:22-33 which really got to the heart of the confusion about dating. Maybe you are thinking, “Wait a minute, that’s a passage about marriage…” Good point. In this first message we looked at some critical considerations for “dating” relationships:

What is the point of dating?

Are you preparing yourself for the responsibility of marriage?

Are your relationships characterized by love?

Are you praying about God’s plan for you?

The sermon audio is up at the Godsong Music website and I really hope that you will listen to it! Even if you are married, this message will still be beneficial because we all have single friends or family and especially if you have children who are dating. If you can’t listen to the whole sermon I’d encourage you to listen to at least the first ten minutes where Bobby talks about how the Bible does address dating.

Sermon Audio: “God Calls It Love”

I came into our bedroom yesterday to see Tyler typing away on my computer. Yes, the thought crossed my mind to start Tyler’s own blog, but then I remembered that nobody would be interested in reading “asfatuynzxcvb” over and over again. It’s so sweet to sit at the computer with Tyler and look at pictures. He is talking so much now that when I show him a photo album on here he can recognize most everyone in the pictures and even say some names. The name he says a lot now is “Pooh” because he loves the Honey Tree video. Sometimes Tyler will leave the living room, where the video is playing and I’ll come in to see Bobby sitting on the couch watching it!

Since Sunday Tyler has really started walking. He could take lots of steps before, but now he would rather walk down the hallway than crawl. It is so great to have moments where I can see how Tyler has grown. Since I’m with him every day I don’t always notice how he’s grown.  A friend and her seven month old daughter came over for lunch yesterday and seeing them play together–or rather, Tyler trying to give her toys and walking around her in circles!–showed me how much he’s really changed. It’s so fun!

Every day at lunch Tyler and I listen to the Godsong playlist on my iPod and Tyler says “Ty-Ty!” If you haven’t heard their music yet I hope that you will after this post. Godsong is music written by my husband and his two friends Ty(who Tyler is named after) and Brad. They’ve just posted a new song called “Ever Closer.” It is a soft comforting song inspired by Psalm 121. The chorus says–

When I fall Your arms
Won’t let me be harmed
For You hold my heart

And You, You don’t sleep
Lord You keep me ever closer

In the tracknotes Bobby writes:

Ty had the idea for the chorus of this song from Psalm 121. There are some great thoughts in this chapter about the Lord keeping us safe. It says that He does not sleep when He watches over us and that He will not let our foot slip.

This made me think about my relationship with my son Tyler whom I love very much and yet I cannot watch over him all night long. Or sometimes he will fall out of my reach and there is nothing I can do to keep him from hitting the ground. What a Father we have in God who is always keeping us and always catches us! He is drawing us Ever Closer to Himself!

Please click HERE to be taken to the music page where all you have to do is press play to be encouraged by this song!

A friend just sent me a link to an article by John Piper called “The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission.”

In this outstanding message from 1 Peter 3:1-7 Piper unfolds Peter’s definition of Biblical womanhood. 1 Peter 3:5 says, “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”

Below is an invigorating excerpt from Piper’s message, but let me encourage you to click on the link above to read or listen to this message for yourself!

Piper says–

The deepest root of Christian womanhood mentioned in this text is hope in God. “Holy women who hoped in God.” A Christian woman does not put her hope in her husband, or in getting a husband. She does not put her hope in her looks. She puts her hope in the promises of God. She is described in Proverbs 31:25: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” She laughs at everything the future will bring and might bring, because she hopes in God.

She looks away from the troubles and miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and she focuses her attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever he pleases. She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows his promise that he will be with her and help her strengthen her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood.

This week I started a class called “Spiritual Disciplines” at our church’s Thursday night gathering. My husband, Bobby, is one of the teachers and he taught this first week. I really liked how he pointed out that people work so hard for physical training, they will give up sleep, comfort and pleasure in exchange for rigorous workout routines, strict diets and physical pain all for all well toned body shape or just overall better health.

It is rare for people to approach their spiritual health with the same discipline they would give to their physical health. We don’t feel as much pressure to get our spiritual walk toned because nobody around us can see our soul. Our body might be in great shape, but our soul might be fat and flabby. We may not think it matters much and that we can keep putting it off, but God sees it and He is the Judge of all. That alone should motivate us to some serious action!

1 Timothy 4:7-8 says—

I thought about how much time and effort I can spend for my appearance and disciplining my physical health, and I was convicted that I need to go after my spiritual health with much more fervor. Bobby gave everyone a really practical help to start making progress in a chart that would help us increase our Bible intake, Bible application, prayer, confession/confrontation and worship. I’m looking forward to filling mine out and having some set goals to be working toward for discipline and strength spiritually.

This week I gave Tyler a haircut. It had been getting so long that a lady at the grocery store asked me, “Is it a boy or girl?” You can see his before and after shots. In the after one he was still sick from our trip to Tahoe, but he’s better now. In fact today he took more steps than he ever has–fifteen in a row! Ah, the excitement!

Why is there no respect for motherhood? Why does the West not value its women?

This statement was made by the Iranian President last week in response to the capture of several British soldiers one of whom was a mother of a three year old daughter. Seemingly unembarrassed by public scrutiny the mother responded with a statement about her daughter:

She’s getting more of a character each day. It’s a shame I’m missing that but she’s a top girl and will grow up to be a very reliable, independent, strong young woman, which is exactly what I want for her.

The interesting thing about these quotes is that the Iranian President is sticking up for motherhood and the British soldier is acting like being a mom isn’t important. Biblical womanhood continues to be attacked and by whom? Women. And not just talking women out there in the world, but also Christian women. As Christians we should be different from all other women in the world. Our marriages, homes, parenting, and many other aspects of out personal lives should be dynamic when compared to the lives of non-Christian women. But sadly it seems that there is more confusion than ever about our roles. Maybe we have succumbed to feminism more than we think we have. My heart is burdened with the frustration and disgust that many Christian women have toward their God-given roles. It is critical that we embrace who God says we are and what He wants us to do.

As I got my haircut last week I flipped through the magazines and an article caught my eye. It was in the April edition of Glamour and was called “Will you regret staying home with your baby?” It was largely adapted from the book The Feminist Mistake by Leslie Bennetts. This article tried to convince me that giving up a 9-5 job to raise a child and care for my husband and home is not only unnecessary but is overall a really dumb idea. Here are the last couple paragraphs of the article–

As for the stress of working motherhood…it may be exaggerated. In one study, sociologists found that homemakers who went to work full-time reported a decrease in psychological distress. Many experts believe working women enjoy more power and more options in their lives, crucial components of happiness.

Moreover, their children turn out just fine. “The research on the impact of working mothers on kids shows that there isn’t any,” says Pamela Stone, Ph.D., a sociology professor at Hunter College in New York City. “Since the forties, this has been researched every which way.”

I think it’s time to tell women, especially young ones, the truth: The feminine mistake—building a grown-up life around the notion that someone will take care of you—is an outdated idea that could jeopardize your future. Wouldn’t you rather protect yourself against adversity and enjoy the rewards of work, money and success in addition to family life? Why should you settle for less?

This article represents two attitudes that dominate women today. I thought it would be worthwhile to examine them and see the light that God’s Word sheds to clarify the confusion about our roles as women.

My happiness is utmost.

In her article Bennetts declares that “more power and more options” are the crucial components of happiness. If a wife were not prepared for her husband to die or leave her, then she will suffer unhappiness, whereas if she is independent and always planning for her personal future it will not injure her in the long run.

You might say a “wise” wife would always have a plan B. This mentality says that if a woman is working a 9-5 job she will have more money which will allow her more freedom and also more “options” in case she finds someone who will make her happier than her husband. If she was stuck in the home all day she couldn’t develop options as easily as she could if the majority of her time was spent outside the home.

This whole idea of power and options equaling personal happiness is foreign to Scripture. Ecclesiastes had a lot to say about that pursuit being “Vanity” (Ecclesiastes 2:10-11). Instead Jesus is clear about our pursuits when He says,

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…” Matthew 6:33

Our top priority is to be God and His kingdom. If a woman was seeking first God’s kingdom and His righteousness her life would probably be devoted to serving others. That is the first thing that comes to my mind—a servant. How different that is from our cultures advice to women: demand your rights, assert yourself and keep your options open. A Christian woman has a new heart and a new purpose all to further the glory of God and the gospel. Personal happiness is not to be our pursuit. Holiness is.

The only person I can trust is me.

It’s very nice to believe, ‘I don’t have to worry, I can have someone take care of me…But you never know when he’s going to stop wanting to take care of you, or lose his job, or drop dead. There are too many what-ifs to be lulled into a sense of complacency like that.

In this quote, another bit from Bennetts article, she is explaining that financial dependency is much too risky. There are several testimonials from women whose husbands all died or left them after they had given up significant careers to stay home to raise their children. All of them regretted being a full-time mom. Bennetts ends her argument in favor of the 9-5 job with a question–“Wouldn’t you rather protect yourself against adversity…?”

A prominent attitude in the feminist movement is that the only person you can trust is you. You know what you want and you know best how to get it. Don’t let anyone get in the way. This should be a bizarre mentality to the Christian. But too often we can let desire for personal comfort and ease cloud our surrender to Christ. We may be afraid that we won’t get what we want in life and even more that we might have to suffer some kind of inconvenience or trial. Consider with me the following verses—

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make you paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

Again, this should be a strange attitude to the Christian. We shouldn’t have solitary trust for ourselves, or even our husband. The only person that we can rightly place all of our trust in is God Himself.

By the close of her article Bennetts thought that she had proved that it is far better for a woman to keep her 9-5 job than to stay home to raise her children. She ended with the question—“Why should you settle for less?” As Christian women we have an answer for that. We don’t have to trust in man or self because our futures are in God’s hands. We don’t have to vainly grab at the options we deem valuable for personal happiness because our joy comes from knowing that we are right with our Creator and that we are doing what He has designed us to do. The truth is, we are not settling for less. We are fulfilling the role we were created for. The lives of hundreds of Christian women testify to the frustrating chaos of trying to redefine and reassign the roles that God designed specifically and uniquely for us. Rather than adopting the world’s perspective of womanhood, we need to understand and embrace God’s design for us.

The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.

–Elisabeth Elliot

To be continued…

**To read my first two blogs in this series you can click on the following titles:

Thoughts on Biblical Womanhood
How Have We Been Influenced By Feminism?