In marriage God’s goal is not for us to be happy. He wants us to be holy and He will do whatever it takes to draw us to Himself and conform us to the likeness of Christ. Wait. What!? Marriage isn’t about me and my own personal “needs” being met? My own dreams coming true and plans being achieved. What have I gotten myself into?

The Christian wife has a whole different perspective on marriage than the average woman. She can look through frustration with the slowness of change, hurt from a conflict, battling the desire to not submit to her husband in a decision he has made, or having to pick up his dirty socks for the thousandth time as opportunities from her Lord to draw her to Him in holiness. What a different perspective! The Christian wife also has a different perspective on happiness in her marriage. When she embraces her role to love and care for her husband she can see the difference when she speaks a soft answer when he is angry or lets love cover multitudes of offenses. She is responding like Christ and this is what pleases God. There is a great deal of happiness in that.

One of the challenges in marriage (or any relationship really) is the ability to take personal responsibility for ones own failure. It is amazing what we will do to keep ourselves free from blame. When faced with failure we can respond with humility– confessing our sin and repenting from it. Or we can respond with pride– defensive, embarrassed, angry, resentful, and with bitterness. In chapter 5 of Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife she addresses a wife’s understanding of marriage.

Achieving God’s purpose in marriage begins with one partner “getting the beam out of his or her eye” (Matthew 7:3).

The Excellent Wife, 35

In this passage in Matthew 7:3-5 Jesus says:

“And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

We are usually so quick to point out our husband’s faults and problems. It’s pretty discouraging how prideful I can be sometimes. I’ll go to my husband with a whole perspective and just be going on and on not even taking time to consider if my view is being hindered or not by sin in my own life. How often do we really pause to consider where our heart is and if we should even be making such a judgment? If you are like me, probably not often enough.
Peace comments on the Matthew passage saying:

The Lord Jesus is not saying to never pursue the speck in your husband’s eye. He is saying that you must first make sure your life is in order. Then you will be able to see clearly enough to confront your Christian husband with the sin in his life…Begin by praying and asking God to show you the sin in your life. God will answer that praying. It is a prayer of humility, and therefore glorifies Him. Then prepare yourself to respond to God’s answers.

The Excellent Wife, 35

I was really challenged by this chapter to take responsibility for my failures and most of all my sin. I know that I am far from perfect so I need to stop acting like I am by making hasty judgments about my husband or anyone else. I hope this quote from The Excellent Wife has challenged you in some area too. If you’d like to, please share what you are learning with the rest of us!