Last week I finished this new book from Resources for Changing Lives–Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. Tim Lane, together with Paul Tripp (author of one of my favorite books, War of Words) tackle the deeper issues involved in relationships in the lives of believers.

Written with a gentle, we’re-right-there-with-you tone but also grounded in the authority of Scripture this proved to be a helpful read considering my relationships and the specific ways I need to embrace the power and sufficiency of God’s grace to redeem, restore and deepen the quality and purpose of relationships in my own life.

The structure of the book is a little awkward because even though it has two authors they write as one. I was somewhat distracted by this especially when they would tell a personal illustration but not say who’s story it was. I was surprised that at the beginning of each chapter they had a lengthy excerpt form a secular song. And I was concerned at the couple of quotes they positively sited from Donald Miller of the Emergent Church movement. The one other hang-up I had was due to the multiple Scripture references quoted from The Message translation. For more thoughts on this please read this post.

Overall this was a beneficial read. If I had a five-star rating system I’d give this book a three. Perhaps a better book addressing the heart of godly relationships would be Jerry Bridges book The Crisis of Caring: Recovering the Meaning of True Fellowship. However I would still recommend Relationships: A Mess Worth Making and here are some excerpts from my two favorite chapters:

Chapter 5–Agendas
p. 43

The default question we ought to bring to every area of life should be, “What is God’s purpose and design? What was his reason for creating this?” When you apply these questions to relationships you begin to see how different his agenda is from your own. We would easily settle for our own definition of personal happiness when God’s purpose is nothing short of conforming us to the image of Christ! Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all have dreams for our relationships, and we are always working to realize those dreams. How close is your dream to God’s purpose?

Chapter 9–Forgiveness
p. 95

The metaphor of debt cancellation (Matthew 18:21-35) clearly defines the nature of forgiveness. The merciful king absorbed $100, 000 debt that was owed him. When you forgive someone, you also cancel a debt. But, more specifically, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself. You choose not to make the offender pay for the offense. By forfeiting….you make at least three promises.You promise that you will not bring up the debt to use it as leverage. You promise that you will not bring up the offense to others and slander the person who sinned against you….You promise not to dwell on the offense yourself.