We spent Sunday and Monday at the “happiest place on earth”–Disneyland! Tyler has been to Disneyland already, in fact, this was his fifth visit! His favorite attractions are It’s a Small World, the Jungle Cruise and the Winnie the Pooh ride. Bobby, Tyler and I along with Bobby’s brothers Ben and Billy and Billy’s wife, Cory gathered to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 50th birthday, and Mother’s Day. Usually on someone’s birthday you give them a gift, but they gave us season passes to Disneyland, so it sure felt like a celebration we will enjoy all year! Click here to see more pictures!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of spiritual apathy. It is an easy pit to fall into–to become lazy and undisciplined in pursuit of the Lord. I was feeling discouraged about seeing this in others, and also myself. It’s frustrating to be talking to someone who is well-informed on all the specifics about the latest Lost episode, but when I mention our daily Bible reading I get an “I actually don’t have time to do that.” Seriously? How is it that we don’t have time for God? I am convinced that this has much more to do with our hearts than our schedules.

In a study I was working on today I looked up the word “integrity” and was profoundly struck by the it’s definition.

in·teg·ri·ty

the quality or state of being complete or undivided

When I read this definition I was convicted. It is all too easy to have an appearance of godliness–to talk like a Christian, to warm a chair, to carry a Bible. It is very hard work to have a quality of heart that is complete and undivided toward the Lord. The opposite of spiritual apathy is spiritual integrity.

Spiritual integrity means that hearing God’s Word and doing God’s Word are inseparable. This kind of person is worshiping the Lord all hours on weekdays, not just the first 20-minutes of the church service. It means not succumbing to the idols that reign in most lives but living surrendered to the Lord. Having integrity spiritually means that we pray “Your will be done” and aren’t thinking in the back of our minds “But I hope what I want to happen works out…”

I started asking the Lord how could I grow to have this kind of integrity in my life and tonight I remembered Psalm 86:11 and this is my prayer, I hope it is yours too…

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

This is a picture of me at 2 years old. Notice that my shirt says “I love Mommy.” Becoming a mom has reminded me of some memories of my mom. I have a memory of having the flu on Christmas day and my mom giving me a straw to drink my juice with–that was all the excitement I could handle that day, but I do remember getting a big stuffed dog that I named “Rover”–how original! I have memories of my mom trying to help pull a tooth that wouldn’t fall out, putting cream on a rash, being up with me at night when I had a bad dream. I haven’t really think about any of these memories until more recently, probably since I’ve become a mom. I don’t think that means being a mom gives you special enlightenment but it has given me a new appreciation for my mom and I am glad for that.

This is my second Mother’s Day and I’m glad that I can give Tyler the love and care that my mom gave to me…

In marriage God’s goal is not for us to be happy. He wants us to be holy and He will do whatever it takes to draw us to Himself and conform us to the likeness of Christ. Wait. What!? Marriage isn’t about me and my own personal “needs” being met? My own dreams coming true and plans being achieved. What have I gotten myself into?

The Christian wife has a whole different perspective on marriage than the average woman. She can look through frustration with the slowness of change, hurt from a conflict, battling the desire to not submit to her husband in a decision he has made, or having to pick up his dirty socks for the thousandth time as opportunities from her Lord to draw her to Him in holiness. What a different perspective! The Christian wife also has a different perspective on happiness in her marriage. When she embraces her role to love and care for her husband she can see the difference when she speaks a soft answer when he is angry or lets love cover multitudes of offenses. She is responding like Christ and this is what pleases God. There is a great deal of happiness in that.

One of the challenges in marriage (or any relationship really) is the ability to take personal responsibility for ones own failure. It is amazing what we will do to keep ourselves free from blame. When faced with failure we can respond with humility– confessing our sin and repenting from it. Or we can respond with pride– defensive, embarrassed, angry, resentful, and with bitterness. In chapter 5 of Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife she addresses a wife’s understanding of marriage.

Achieving God’s purpose in marriage begins with one partner “getting the beam out of his or her eye” (Matthew 7:3).

The Excellent Wife, 35

In this passage in Matthew 7:3-5 Jesus says:

“And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

We are usually so quick to point out our husband’s faults and problems. It’s pretty discouraging how prideful I can be sometimes. I’ll go to my husband with a whole perspective and just be going on and on not even taking time to consider if my view is being hindered or not by sin in my own life. How often do we really pause to consider where our heart is and if we should even be making such a judgment? If you are like me, probably not often enough.
Peace comments on the Matthew passage saying:

The Lord Jesus is not saying to never pursue the speck in your husband’s eye. He is saying that you must first make sure your life is in order. Then you will be able to see clearly enough to confront your Christian husband with the sin in his life…Begin by praying and asking God to show you the sin in your life. God will answer that praying. It is a prayer of humility, and therefore glorifies Him. Then prepare yourself to respond to God’s answers.

The Excellent Wife, 35

I was really challenged by this chapter to take responsibility for my failures and most of all my sin. I know that I am far from perfect so I need to stop acting like I am by making hasty judgments about my husband or anyone else. I hope this quote from The Excellent Wife has challenged you in some area too. If you’d like to, please share what you are learning with the rest of us!

We’ve been enjoying beautiful 80 degree weather here–I guess summer must be around the corner! Yesterday Bobby and I took Tyler to the park at 7 o’ clock and it’s just as light out as 4 or 5 o’ clock. I think Tyler has a hard time going to bed when there is still daylight coming through his window because he’s not been going to bed well all last week.

Tyler is now walking everywhere and hardly crawls anymore! We really saw a big developmental leap the last couple of weeks in how much he’s learned to do physically and also how much he is talking! I have a subscription to one of those baby sites where they send you weekly e-mails about your child’s development. Last week’s e-mail said that by 18 months a child would have 20 words. But Tyler must have twice that, he talks so much. He is also very loud, which is kind of a problem because we’re at the store he is always shouting “Hi!” to everyone walking by us. It is such fun though, seeing how he remembers so much and likes learning how things work and to play games with us.

Last week I started my Spring cleaning and have been working pretty hard with different projects around the house. I’m pretty organized and keep the house clean, but I don’t know what it is with our closets, it’s like they are black holes or something. It took me a couple of days to get the walk-in closet in our bedroom all organized and now I’m working on the one in the entry way. Not my favorite thing to do, but highly necessary. You know you have to do something when you won’t open the door for fear of all that might fall out on top of you! I was thinking of posting some “before” and “after” pictures, but I’d be too embarrassed by the “before” ones!

Today I read this awesome poem by Philip Bliss which he wrote in 1873. This really reflects my own desire to be more like Christ, I hope it will encourage you today too…

More holiness give me, more striving within;
More patience in suffering, more sorrow for sin;
More faith in my Savior, more sense of His care;
More joy in His service, more purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord;
More pride in His glory, more hope in His Word;
More tears for His sorrows, more pain at His grief;
More meekness in trial, more praise for relief.

More purity give me, more strength to overcome;
More freedom from earth’s stains, more longings for home;
More fit for the kingdom, more used would I be;
More blessed and holy, More Savior like Thee.

This weekend I heard the moving story of an English lady named Louisa Stead. As a teenager she came to the United States to be a missionary and eventually married and had a baby girl. One day this family was enjoying a picnic lunch in Long Island, New York when they heard the screams of a drowning boy. Mr. Stead attempted to rescue the boy, but he was so frantic in his struggle that he pulled them both down and to the horror of Louisa and their 4-year old daughter, neither came back up. In the difficult days following this tragedy, Louisa wrote these words in the old hymn, “‘Tis So Sweet.”

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

I was so inspired by this woman, a young wife and mother, who after faced this great loss with trust. I don’t know how hard it was; maybe it was a terrible struggle for Louisa to come around to a place where she was able to write this song, but how awesome that she could say this to the Lord!

I notice that the deep moving lyrics of old hymns and the challenging encouragements of Christians of the past usually stem from dark trying times. This is so foreign to many Christians today. We can get comfortable, lazy and compromising. The result is weak faith and fear of speaking out for the Lord. Hearing Louisa’s story was a big reminder to me that God uses our trials to fashion and form us and make us complete in Him. We shouldn’t be avoiding controversy and nervous that the Lord might challenge us. Instead we should pray for opportunities to draw nearer to Him.