I’ve been reading through Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife and chapter four is called “A Wife’s Understanding of Relationships.” Peace has a pretty candid approach in her teaching, but for some reason this was a pretty jarring reminder–

God wants us to stop living for ourselves, to stop destroying relationships, and to start living for Him. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth saying,

“…that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who dies and rose again on their behalf” II Corinthians 5:15.

It is easy to live for yourself, but ultimately unfulfilling and empty…you must become like and act like Jesus. To accomplish this goal, your motivation must change from “What can I get out of this?” to “What can I give?” (I Corinthians 13:5; Philippians 2:2-3). Hence you should expect no thanks or recognition. You are just doing your minimal duty to God.

(The Excellent Wife, 31)

I was really struck by the fact that giving of myself is not doing more or better. It is simply obeying what God has told me to do. Later in the chapter Peace talked about how in relationships we tend to want to be in control, hide or cover up hurt or pain, we protect ourselves and tend to be self-focused. Maybe when we aren’t acting out these selfish attributes, then we think we are doing a great service but really we are just doing a basic thing God has commanded–to live for Him and not self. Peace closed this chapter with a well-worded admonishment for wives to stop living for themselves:

Your words are to be edifying.

Your tasks sacrificial.

Your motive for the glory of God.

(The Excellent Wife, 32)