Bringing Back Excellent Wife Wednesdays
At the beginning of the year I started re-reading Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife. After talking with some of my friends who had not read it, I was motivated to post once a week on the section I was reading. Well, 12 weeks have passed and I haven’t read or posted on it, but today as I was cleaning my computer desk I cracked it open to my book marker to read this–
As difficult as it is to give someone a reproof, it is usually more difficult to humbly receive one. How you receive reproof will be one measure of your maturity in Christ. You can know you are receiving reproof from your husband sinfully when…
- You become angry and lash out at him.
“Through presumption (pride) comes nothing but
strife, But with those who receive counsel is wisdom.”
Proverbs 13:10- You feel hurt, resentful, and unforgiving.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor
and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted,
forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has
forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32- You focus on the things he is doing wrong.
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of
your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5- You suffer intense personal hurt.
“…He (God) disciplines us for good, that we may share
His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not
to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been
trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of
righteousness.” Hebrews 12:10-11, emphasis addedAny reproof may be humiliating and may make you feel badly. However, do not add to your personal hurt by reacting sinfully. If you do not respond with humility and gentleness, you will compound your sin. Even if you husband reproves you in an angry and unkind manner, you are still responsible before God for how you respond back.
The Excellent Wife, pp. 44-45
Now I remember why I gave the book a rest…What conviction! So often we justify our reactions by making our obedience conditional on someone else’s obedience. When they are sinful, we think that our sinful response make sense. But it doesn’t. God is expecting our obedience despite all circumstances and all provocation to disobey.
A big part of receiving correction is embracing the fact that we are sinful. That seems pretty basic, but how often we forget this! Someone comes to us with a reproof and we stand there mouth gaping–You think I did what?!?! Let’s not find it so hard to believe that we are capable of terrible sin. Having this right perspective of our own hearts will help us have humility when someone brings correction to us.
Another part of receiving reproof well is embracing the fact that no matter how much we’ve learned, we still have so much more to learn. If we have an inflated view of our own spiritual maturity, we will be offended at the suggestion that we are immature in some area. Let’s not find it so hard to believe that there is a lot of room for growth in our lives and accept that confrontation as another opportunity to do so.
I really like Hebrews 12:11 that Peace quoted above.
“…all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
It doesn’t feel happy or exciting to have someone give us reproof, but if we listen to them and are trained by it, we will bear the fruit of righteousness. And how much fruit we bear is linked to our teachable attitude toward correction.
August 8th, 2007
I applaud the return to Excellent Wife Wednesday’s return. I greatly enjoyed these postings previously. I think your insight on both the difficulty and reward of reproof should be shouted from the rooftops of churches and homes. To hear His discipline is to receive His love that we would not lie in the filth of our sin. Good post, Christa.
August 8th, 2007
Thanks for treating such a difficult subject so clearly.
August 8th, 2007
I’m going to be teaching some young moms this fall, using this book. There will be unsaved and saved ladies at the study. It’s an extension of the Moms and Tots program at our church. I am looking forward to seeing your thoughts.
August 9th, 2007
This book is sending a tidal wave of reproof to many of the women in our church, including myself. I plan to put this book front and center in the “library” from which couples in our young marrieds ministry can read. When I read this book, I was struck by the same passage you bring to light here. I definitely recognize some of my reactions in Martha’s 4 examples of sinful responses. It is interesting that in I Thessalonians 5:12, pastors are to be given respect for laboring for others and because they admonish the flock. “Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.” John MacArthur, in his NKJ study Bible, says that their work, including the admonishment, is a “value.” In other words, when we receive reproof, it is to be digested maturely, respected AND considered valuable in our eyes. Since our husbands are “over us in the Lord”, this certainly applies to our dealings with them as well. Do I value a reproof from Ryan or do I resent it? Oh, that I may take it as a word of love and kindness that it is!