Excellent Wife Wisdom–Understanding Our Role
One thing I have really appreciated about Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife is its Biblical clarity. She doesn’t sugar coat anything. She presents what God expects of a Christian wife in her straightforward way and then helps the reader see what they must do to obey God’s call. If you are married, or hope to be married, I highly recommend this book!
Chapter 6 dishes up another ample serving of conviction as Peace discusses God’s perfect plan in the different roles of husband and wife. I remember a time the quote I’m about to share would have been a jaw-clencher for me. I would have bristled and felt defensive at the idea that I wasn’t designed to be the leader, he was. But praise the Lord that He knows me better than I do. He has designed men and women for unique purposes and He is glorified when we lay down our imperfect issues with His perfect plan and wholeheartedly embrace His perspective. The sooner we do this, the more we will be enjoying the peace and contentment that comes from taking God at His Word.
If your desire as a Christian wife is to glorify God, you must first understand God’s perspective. He is the only one who has the insight of Creator and Redeemer. What is God’s plan for the role of husbands and wives from His perspective? There are at least five issues to consider.
1) Men and women are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).
2) In the order of creation, man was created first. The husband was created to rule over the earth; the wife, later, was created to be a “helper” that would be suitable for him. Both, none-the-less, were created in God’s image, but each one was created to carry out a different role.3) Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman. “For a man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from
woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not
created for woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.” 1 Corinthians 11:7-94) The effects of the fall of man. In the beginning, God created man as ruler of the earth. Man’s wife was created to be a “helper suitable” for him. As a result of their sin, God pronounced judgment or a curse on them both. There were many painful effects of their rebellion and disobedience: death, thorns and thistles in the ground, pain in childbirth, and a power struggle between the man and his wife. (Genesis 3:16)
Whereas before the fall there was harmony between Adam and Eve in fulfilling their roles, now there would be a power-play as they both sought to dominate the other…Subsequently, Christ came to redeem us from the curse and if you are “in Christ” (as Christians), you and your husband have the potential to regain much of what was lost at the fall of man…you do have the capacity to have the harmony in your marriage that God intended.
5) The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife (Ephesians 5:23). Your husband is to be the one in charge…(meaning) that he is responsible for managing his home.
The Excellent Wife, p. 47-52
Peace’s goal in this chapter is to get us, as Christian wives, to see that our role is to glorify God and submit to our husband. We might find it easy to see that Eve was created to be Adam’s helper, but how can we do better at fulfilling our role of “helper” for our husbands?
August 23rd, 2007
Thanks for clearly presenting the biblical position that stands opposed to just about everything our world says about women today. I can never truly enjoy life as a wife until I embrace God’s role for me. I’ve heard Christian women refer to submission as the S word, like it’s something disgraceful. With that attitude, they will not be able to glorify God as he deserves, and they will undoubtedly have struggles in their life and marriage.
I don’t know if your concluding question was to encourage our thinking and create anticipation for your addressing this in next week’s post, or if you were soliciting responses. But I did have a lightbulb turning on type of experience after reading The Excellent Wife for the first time. Unfortunately, this was after being married for almost 20 years! I always knew I was to be a helper to my husband, but for years I never saw this as my primary role, as God’s perfect plan for me. Therefore, when he asked me to do something for him, it was easy to just add it to my To Do list, get around to it at my convenience, see it as a terrible inconvenience, or set myself up as the judge as to whether or not this was important and worthy of my help. When the light bulb went on, I began to see a request from my husband as an opportunity to glorify the Lord and fulfill His role for my life. I admit I don’t always respond perfectly, but seeing the importance of my role as a helper, and seeing it in light of glorifying God really revolutionized my thinking and my heart attitudes.
August 23rd, 2007
I must ditto Roberta’s answer because it was the same light bulb that burnt my self-absorbed fingers. Another thing God revealed to me in being husband’s helper was to not bombard him upon arriving home with all MY troubles, all MY issues, all MY whatever. Instead I am to help fashion an environment with the children and myself that issues a warm and respectful welcome home, acknowledging that the time he has had to spend in the world providing for our family is something for which to be grateful. This light bulb caused me to depend more upon God in prayer through the day for crises rather than dumping on him for fix-it solutions. He always asks about my day and does still fix it, but he responds with cherishing towards me when he can come home without chaos and disorder awaiting him. Good question.
August 23rd, 2007
I love this book, and I love your last question. The idea of submission is intellectually accepted by many Christian women, but the application is something altogether different and more difficult. I thought I was okay with this, but little instances that Ryan has mentioned have humbled me to realize I have a long way to go. Every year we go away for a weekend and set goals as a couple. We also take time to admonish and encourage one another in our roles. One of Ryan’s admonishments to me was that I not meet him at the door with a sour face and a list of negatives when I’ve had a bad day. Yikes! My nature is just naturally self-serving, and I want to talk about what I’VE been through rather than consider my spouse. That is just the tiniest example. Whether a book, Ryan, the Bible, a speaker or other means convict me, I realize that submission and helping my husband take work, thought, effort, prayer and many–hopefully fewer and fewer–requests for forgiveness!
September 14th, 2007
i found your blog through an internet search for biblical counseling….and i really appreciated what you had to say about Martha Peace’s book. i have also read it and loved it…fantastic. Anyway, i just wanted to reccommed another to you on the same subject, and has been reccommended to me. (if you haven’t already read it) I am told that Helper By Design is an excellent book….i believe that it is written by Elise Fitzpatrick