My last blog was over a week ago and Tyler and I had just gotten over the stomach flu. We had about a week of “normal” not really 100% but not in bed sick. Tuesday night some kind of mutated flu virus hit the two of us again and we have been out all week. This is the most sick I have ever been. One year in college I had bronchitis for almost two months, but this is way worse. Amazingly, Bobby is still well and I’m so glad because he was able to preach this weekend and hopefully will be able to next weekend.

Everything about being sick is different when you have a little one. He wants to sleep in my bed but only if he can lie horizontally so his little toes are digging into my aching side. He says he’s hungry for oatmeal so I barely make it into the kitchen and whip some up only for him to say, “No, mommy” when I bring it to him. After six days of this we are both so worn down. I was so thankful when Bobby came home so I could take a nap. I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

All week I’ve wrestled with trusting the Lord. It’s such a hard reality to plead with Him every day to heal me only to be worse and worse as the days go on. I have no idea how people with chronic illnesses do it. One big consolation has been James chapter one which I memorized this summer. It kept coming back to me and reminding me to stop complaining and start trusting the work that God is doing with my faith.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:1-4

Considering it pure joy to face sickness is hard because our bodies are so frail and weak. Even though in my heart I know that God is with me and working all of this week together for my good, it’s hard to get my body on the same page and stop groaning and complaining about all the pain. My joy isn’t ever supposed to be derived from my health or circumstances, but from faith in the Lord. This week has been a big reminder to me of that.

Listening to worship music on my iPod really helps. One song I keep playing on repeat is a simple chorus by Godsong called “Ever Closer.” If you have time please click on the link, it’s such a beautiful song, I think you’ll be encouraged even if you are at the peak of health today!

You are my Father keep me safe
When darkness is everywhere
For when I am alone I pray
Because I know You are there

When I fall Your arms
Won’t let me be harmed
For You hold my heart

And You, You don’t sleep
Lord You keep me ever closer
You, You don’t sleep
Lord You keep me ever closer

Tyler and I have just recovered from the stomach flu. Somehow Bobby escaped it even though he’s been around us the whole time! It’s hard to have a weekend of lying around feeling miserable and missing the family time of Compass Bible Church. But today was a big recoup day with lots of cleaning and laundry so everything doesn’t feel like it has sick-germs on it or something like that. Even when Tyler was sick he still asked if we could go to Disneyland to see the Christmas castle. Last night we stopped by briefly to see it. I thought we could get a great Christmas card shot but Tyler was too mesmerized by all the lights!

I’m so thankful that God uses His Word to convict us at all times and all places. The night the flu hit me this verse from my Bible study that day came to mind–

“Do everything without complaining or arguing.”

Philippians 2:14

We have a pretty serious “no fussing” rule in the Blakey home. Not a day goes by that I’m not instructing Tyler not to whine and telling him that God says “no fuss” in the Bible. Now here’s where I eat my own words. Not that I’m telling him not to fuss but then am whining and complaining all day–I definitely try to set the example. But I’m amazed at what I will do to justify sinful attitudes, especially that of complaining and arguing. It’s pretty sad.

As a believer I don’t have any valid excuses for my sin. Being sick doesn’t justify grumbling and complaining. Being tired or stressed doesn’t justify arguing with or overly questioning my husband. God has called me to do everything without those sinful attitudes. Everything? That’s pretty extreme. Doesn’t God know that I’m human? I’m sure I can discipline myself to do some things without complaining but everything? Maybe God doesn’t know what some of the things are that I have to do…

He knows everything. And He calls me to do it all without complaining and without arguing. Instead of trying to defend myself I need to get extreme about resisting my sinful attitudes! Two good attitudes I try to put on to help get rid of complaining and arguing are found earlier in Philippians chapter 2.

• Humble yourself.
  Philippians 2:3 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” We need to take on the attitude Christ had which was not exalting Himself. He considered Himself nothing and became and obedient servant. A genuine humble heart and complaining or arguing don’t go together.

• Work hard to obey.
  Philippians 2:12-13 says “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Fear and trembling are appropriate attitudes because we don’t want to disobey our holy God. We should always be working hard to obey Him because we know that He has good works prepared for us to do (Ephesians 2:10) If we are working hard to obey God, this will also keep us from complaining and arguing and many other sinful attitudes.

Next time I’m telling Tyler “no fuss” I’m going to remember that God expects the same from me.

It’s hard to believe the year is almost over. I just finished putting up our Christmas decorations. It was so fun because Tyler kept saying “Wow, Mommy, it’s Christmas ready!” He loves going to Disneyland right now because they are all decked out with lights and even “snow” on Main Street at night. Bobby’s parents were out visiting this weekend and we spent Monday morning there. I kept trying to get a good picture of Tyler sitting in front of the Christmas tree at Downtown Disney but he wasn’t too happy about it after ten shots of him looking everywhere but the camera I got this one.

I haven’t posted in over 2 weeks and in that time I have started half a dozen blog entries but never finished them. One reason why it’s been difficult to write is that the Lord has been doing some work on my heart and it was hard to make enough sense of all I was thinking about to make even one cohesive blog entry until now. The last couple of weeks it seems like every sermon I hear, book I’m reading or conversation I have is another punch in the stomach of my laziness. It was all summed up for me at church Saturday night when my husband read James 4:17 during his sermon–

The weight of this conviction came down on my heart and I had a lot to repent of and ask forgiveness from the Lord. I was dismissing many things I needed to do because I felt overwhelmed. I thought how could I possibly do all the good things I should in one day? But Saturday a friend told me that God gives us just enough time in the day to do everything He wanted us to do for that day.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the Spirit’s conviction and just feeling discouraged what I really needed to do was confess the sin of not doing what I knew I ought and then let the weight of those sermons, books and conversations motivate me to righteous living. Actually doing that is liberating.

One of my favorite books is A Heart For God by Sinclair B. Ferguson and I love this quote from chapter three. In this chapter Ferguson writes about how important it is to remember that God is the Creator. This has been a big encouragement to me–

Man is weak. He is weak by comparison with God, because he is a creature. He is weak by comparison with the universe, because he is so small. He is weak, too, because of his sin. He needs power.

When we turn to God, how do we know that God has the power to help us?
Here is the answer: The God who has the power to create the world in which we live has the power to sustain us in our weakness.

A Heart For God, p. 26

Sometimes people act like it isn’t important to know that God is Creator, like it is a side issue to knowing Him as Savior. But this is a mistake. Knowing God as our Savior and Creator brings so much encouragement and purpose as we follow Him. As Creator He decided what my role as a wife must be. I don’t have to conjure up a plan, I need to follow His. He has a design for the parent He wants me to be, how He wants me to treat my parents, what my conversations need to be, what thoughts honor Him, what my work ethic must look like.

I need to daily meditate on the fact that God is Creator because it is so comforting that He has not only designed how all of life works but also because He personally empowers me to walk in obedience to His design. I’m memorizing Psalm 121:1-2 to help me remember this–