My last blog was over a week ago and Tyler and I had just gotten over the stomach flu. We had about a week of “normal” not really 100% but not in bed sick. Tuesday night some kind of mutated flu virus hit the two of us again and we have been out all week. This is the most sick I have ever been. One year in college I had bronchitis for almost two months, but this is way worse. Amazingly, Bobby is still well and I’m so glad because he was able to preach this weekend and hopefully will be able to next weekend.

Everything about being sick is different when you have a little one. He wants to sleep in my bed but only if he can lie horizontally so his little toes are digging into my aching side. He says he’s hungry for oatmeal so I barely make it into the kitchen and whip some up only for him to say, “No, mommy” when I bring it to him. After six days of this we are both so worn down. I was so thankful when Bobby came home so I could take a nap. I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

All week I’ve wrestled with trusting the Lord. It’s such a hard reality to plead with Him every day to heal me only to be worse and worse as the days go on. I have no idea how people with chronic illnesses do it. One big consolation has been James chapter one which I memorized this summer. It kept coming back to me and reminding me to stop complaining and start trusting the work that God is doing with my faith.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:1-4

Considering it pure joy to face sickness is hard because our bodies are so frail and weak. Even though in my heart I know that God is with me and working all of this week together for my good, it’s hard to get my body on the same page and stop groaning and complaining about all the pain. My joy isn’t ever supposed to be derived from my health or circumstances, but from faith in the Lord. This week has been a big reminder to me of that.

Listening to worship music on my iPod really helps. One song I keep playing on repeat is a simple chorus by Godsong called [1] “Ever Closer.” If you have time please click on the link, it’s such a beautiful song, I think you’ll be encouraged even if you are at the peak of health today!

You are my Father keep me safe
When darkness is everywhere
For when I am alone I pray
Because I know You are there

When I fall Your arms
Won’t let me be harmed
For You hold my heart

And You, You don’t sleep
Lord You keep me ever closer
You, You don’t sleep
Lord You keep me ever closer