This week I have been on vacation to a cabin in Lake Arrowhead.  Before we came here I had noticed that I was having a heart issue, but was not sure how to diagnose it accurately.  It’s not news to you that I haven’t been excited about blogging the last couple of months, and that lack of joy has seeped into many other areas of my life.

My problem with being able to nail myself with what I was doing wrong was because I couldn’t really see that I had given way to any blatant sin.  I was trying to live for the Lord.  Doing all of my duties I was not complaining, neglecting my home or family.  I was keeping at my quiet times each day, serving my church family, spending time with friends.  I’ve prayed about it for weeks and talked with my husband about it, but there was still something in my heart I just couldn’t put my finger on.  Something wasn’t right and I couldn’t seem to break through.

One thing I like about vacation is that we get away from the normal routine of life and spend some time with family and friends and read a lot of God’s Word and other books.  I almost always come back refreshed and inspired!

The first day of this trip I started a new book called Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick.  In the introduction to the book Fitzpatrick recounts the Luke 2 story in which Mary and Joseph had left Jerusalem after celebrating the Passover.  After a day of traveling they realized that Jesus was not with their group and frantically looked for Him before finding Him in the temple dialoging with the teachers.  Fitzpatrick makes the connection that sometimes we are like Jesus parents…joyfully celebrating Jesus and our salvation in Him, but then eager to set about living for Him, we sometimes loose awareness of who He is and fail to acknowledge His presence.  Then she writes, “We haven’t felt his absence because we are so preoccupied with living for him.”

I mulled this quote over and over and all I kept thinking was, “That’s me.”  I had become so focused on living the Christian life as if the commands are somehow separate from the Person.  Cultivating love in my heart for the person of Christ had become secondary to cultivating my own spiritual growth and disciplines in godliness.

The reality of who God is and the unmatched love He initiates with me is relevant for my daily life, not just something to be reminded of from time to time.  I got down on my knees and asked the Lord to convict my heart of this mechanical, dutiful service for Him and renew it with a wholehearted passion to know Him and to respond to His love with a joyful offering of all that I am.  This is a vacation I am going to remember!

“But because of his great love for us,
God, who is rich in mercy,
made us alive with Christ
even when we were dead in transgressions—
it is by grace you have been saved.

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him
in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,
in order that in the coming ages
he might show the incomparable riches of his grace,
expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 2:4-7