Blakeyblog

I’ve just finished reading the popular John and Stasi Eldredge book, Captivating. This book is designed to address the life of a woman and the role she has to play. It was written to do for women what John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart did for men. It also says that God longs to have a personal relationship with us. However this book misses the mark in making these two points. Here are some of the problems that make this book spiritually unprofitable–

-Generalizations. In the first chapter the Eldredge’s state that “every woman in her heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play and irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty.” In the rest of the book they attribute why women don’t get these three things to the fact that their “Question” hasn’t been answered. They say that every woman is asking the question “Am I lovely?” Stasi seems to take her personal experience and personal desires and attribute them to every woman. She comes from a troubled past of depression, eating disorders, abuse and sexual promiscuity–this helps the reader understand some of where she is coming from, but for her to make her own experience out to be the problems with all women is not accurate by any stretch.

The truth is that we are failures, all of us, men and women alike. That’s why we need Christ to save us and make us new creations (2 Cor. 5:17), set apart to do His good works (Eph. 2:10). We don’t need to feel good about ourselves or our efforts to measure up, that is the whole reason we need Christ–we don’t measure up. As believers our time on this earth is a life-long pursuit for Christ likeness. If we think the Proverbs 31 woman makes us feel bad to compare ourselves to, how do we feel when we look at ourselves compared to Jesus, who is perfect? We shouldn’t be resentful toward God’s Word, but should humbly accept what God calls us to and strive wholeheartedly to that end.

-Movies. Conclusions drawn from feelings/emotions and movies seem to be more valid than Scripture. I was surprised at how many movies they used for examples and illustrations for their points rather than looking to women in the Bible. Not only that, many of the movies they reference seem inappropriate.

-Taking Scripture out of context. The Eldredges constantly refer to the book Song of Songs to make their points. Even though this book clearly and specifically accounts Solomon’s relationship with the Shulamite maiden, this book uses verse after verse as God speaking to women.

For example, in the introduction of chapter seven Stasi tells of a walk she took one night in which she admired creation and complimented God saying, “It’s beautiful, Lord! The stars are amazing!” Apparently she “heard” a response, “I’m glad you like it, my Darling.” Stasi continues with her narrative, “I stopped dead in my tracks. I blushed. Did the God of the universe just call me ‘Darling’?” She tells how later she was reading Song of Songs and was amazed to have some sort of confirmation in chapter one verse fifteen, “How beautiful you are, my darling.”

Many other times the Eldredges make big statements without any Scriptural foundation at all. Two of the more troubling ones are:

-Confusing Biblical love with romance. Biblical love is defined as: patient, kind, not having envy, not proud, rude or selfish, doesn’t get upset easily, doesn’t think evil but rejoicing in truth, love bears all things, hopes and endures. Romance can be defined as: an emotional attraction, excitement, adventure and seeking to gain one’s favor with flattery.

-Assuming our desires are good. Throughout this book, the Eldredges seek to address women’s desires, may they be for acceptance, beauty, adventure or romance…they assume that all desires we have are God-given. They talk much about the core of a woman’s heart and the longings and desires that are there, but they never address the reality that our hearts are wicked and terribly deceived. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” At one point Proverbs 4:23 is quoted which says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” The conclusion they make from this verse is that,

I can have lots of desires that are self induced longings for things that God may not want there. Proverbs 3:5 gives a similar exhortation on this matter of the heart and desires: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding…” We should never assume that we have anything good in us and especially not that our own desires for things are somehow right simply because they exist. That is why I’m exhorted to guard my heart with diligence, it isn’t right or good, but deceitful and wicked.

-Vague on sin and salvation. The Eldredges do talk about God and mention salvation, but fail to do so in a clearly defined or Biblical light. In chapters three and four we are given an account of the creation and the fall where sin or salvation are referred to as “fallen Eve” or “redeemed Eve”. Sin is often referred to vaguely as having “fallen from grace”, “goes bad”, “fails” or is not “not measuring up”. The distinction of a woman being spiritually alive or spiritually dead is unclear. The Eldredges state that Satan hates women, because of her “beauty and power” (p. 85) making it seem as though the spiritual battles we face are between Satan and his evil forces and specifically women rather than believers. Another particularly troubling part claims that Christ has saved us so we can be ourselves.

I’m very concerned about this claim, because Biblically the whole reason we’ve been set free from sin and death specifically is so that we can not be ourselves, but instead be like Christ. That’s why in 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says that “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” There are so many other issues in this book that I could address–assaulting spirits, taking medication for depression, Christian psychology, and the chapter called “Arousing Adam.” But the fundamental problem with this book is that it is woman-centered rather than God-centered. The Eldredges try to exalt women to a position that is nowhere found in Scripture.

This book tries to make God out to be a “lover” and our “Romancer” rather than teaching us to love Him with all our heart. If you are looking for a book that can help you grow as a godly woman, I would recommend several other authors whose books present a Biblical study of what God calls us to as women: Elizabeth Elliot, Elizabeth George, Martha Peace and Beth Moore. Some books that I’ve enjoyed in my pursuit to being a godly woman would include: Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur, Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace and Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock. I would encourage you to read any of these books and stay away from Captivating. The heresy the Eldredges are teaching in this book is not edifying for anyone to read. If you know someone who is reading this book, I would encourage you to talk with them about these problems. We need to exercise Biblical discernment and enjoy the relationship with God that He defines in His Word.

Yesterday I finished reading a new book called Christian Living Beyond Belief–Biblical Principles for the Life of Faith. The author, Cliff McManis, is the pastor of Children’s Ministries at my church and also my husband’s “boss”. I really appreciated this book as Cliff unfolded in Biblical detail the responsibilities and disciplines of the Christian life.

Some of the topics Cliff addresses include: worship, fellowship, discipleship, giving, church membership and obedience. He offered challenging Biblical insight on giving, evangelism and prayer–these three were my favorite chapters.

Giving–From this chapter I was most challenged by Cliff’s examination of Proverbs 3:9-10 which says, “Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first-fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim with new wine.” I’ve heard teaching from this passage several times but always thought how opposite I was from it. I never consider myself wealthy, and I don’t have crops, barns or drink wine so I wasn’t sure really what the challenge could be personally from these verses.

Cliff enlightened my understanding of giving and that it is to be more about my heart attitude and obedience. God has given me all that I have and from a thankful heart I need to give back to Him. I may not have crops or barns, but I need to give to Him first. I used to have a mentality that said, “After I pay the rent and the bills, grocery shop and fill my car up with gas…then I will give.” This is an entirely wrong approach to giving. I need to be giving to the Lord and others as often as I have opportunity. I may not always be able to give money, but I can offer all that I have. Cliff said,

I just finished reading Elyse Fitzpatrick’s latest book, Helper By Design. Addressing the usual list of topics for a book like this–God’s purpose for marriage, companionship, communication and submission–Fitzpatrick takes a Biblically in-depth look at what it means for a wife to support and complete her husband.

This book is fairly easy to read and covers well the aspects of a wife’s role from Scripture. I always appreciated how the author didn’t try to define things on her own or just from her experience, but always asked the question: “What does God say about me as a wife?” I was refreshed and encouraged as she unfolded many struggles women have in being a godly companion for their husbands. I was often challenged by this book to rethink ways I respond to my own husband. I began to consider how I can be a better helper to him by intentionally seeking to find ways to support him and build him up. The end of each chapter has a section called “Finding and Fulfilling Your Calling”, a list of six to eight questions to help the reader go deeper in their conviction and motivation toward being a godly wife. Many of these questions had verses for further reading and I found that when I really took time to answer them they were helpful at revealing areas I need to work on and things I needed to pray about.

I really liked Fitzpatrick’s point in a section called “Common Temptations and Logs In Our Eyes”. She writes:

Last week I finished reading The Practice of the Presence of God. In college I heard people refer to this book often and when I saw a copy of it in a bookstore recently I skimmed the back. The quote on the back read: “There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.” The title hadn’t really secured my interest but this quote spoke close to my heart and what I have wanted to learn about and so I bought it.

In the high school group the students seem to talk a lot about forgetting God. This is not at all an uncommon plight. We get so busy with school, work, family…so caught up in our day-to-day existence that we can go whole days without ever turning our thoughts, let alone our time, to the Lord. Someone once told me this was a problem because we think of God as far away, somewhere up in the clouds. But for a believer He is much closer, He indwells us. I have been confused by this double living often and have been frustrated seeing it in my own life. How can God be so near, all the while we are ignoring Him? How can we claim to be so convinced of His greatness and glory and yet not be devoted to Him at all times?

The Practice of the Presence of God is a tiny book (under 100 pages long) consisting of a few conversations with Brother Lawrence and his reply to several letters written to Him seeking advice on spiritual issues. Though this book is small it offers a wealth of wisdom from taking a personal look into the life of this man. From a little research I was able to learn that Brother Lawrence was a layman with the monks of the Carmelite Order of the Roman Catholic Church in the seventeenth century. As such the writing has a older tone and I was not confident that all of his conclusions quite lined up Biblically. However, I have learned a great lesson from this book–living in God’s presence no matter how quickly or frequently I forget it, is an ever-present reality. God sees all and knows all. The practice of His presence is to discipline my life to revolve around this reality. To remember Him and live aware of Him at all times, in my thoughts, speech, action and prayer.

I have often become overwhelmed by Paul’s exhortation for us to “Pray without ceasing…” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I used to think this meant that one’s mind was to be engaged at all time in speaking prayer to God. Brother Lawrence sheds light on this practice as being continually in conversation with Him in spirit–being aware of His presence continually offering praise to Him and presenting requests as He is kept at the forefront of the mind. To pray without ceasing is to always be in our hearts and minds before His throne. Brother Lawrence writes:

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I learned a second strong lesson from this book, that of God as ultimate priority. Another overwhelming command we have been given–the greatest command–says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37) This is humanly impossible to achieve. We become so easily distracted and our affections are swept away by many things other than the Lord. And yet I long to understand this command and be whole-hearted in my devotion to the Lord. On this issue Brother Lawrence writes:

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Let us think often that our only business in this life is to
please God, and that all besides is but folly and vanity.
Let us think of Him perpetually. Let us put all our trust
in Him. I doubt not but we shall soon find the effects of it in
receiving the abundance of His grace, with which we can do
all things, and without which we can do nothing but sin.

We must know before we can love.
In order to know God, we must often think of Him;
and when we come to love Him,
we shall also think of Him often,
for our heart will be with our treasure.
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Thoughts focused on the Lord and acknowledging my need for His continual grace is what practicing His presence is all about. If God where the center of my life, there would be no room for me. If my desires were perpetually wrapped in Him, I would not be distracted by self but would serve Him with a surrendered will. If I made it a practice to actually know and love God with all my heart, living for Him would never be a burden or something I feel obligated to do. I can’t imagine a life more sweet than one continually enveloped in God’s holy presence, resting fully in His abundant grace…

The rain has let up here in Northern California, at least for now. We have been enjoying a few sunny-60- degree-weather days in a row. Every evening this week has been a great time having Brad here visiting. We’ve been staying up late reading and talking a lot about blogs. Our friends come over, we have dinner or dessert and watch movies or just talk together. Basically each day is a new reason to hang out together.

Yesterday I finished a new book that my in-laws gave me for Christmas: Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney (Her husband is well-known pastor and author C.J. Mahaney). This is an easy-to-read practical study of the seven virtues spelled out in Titus 2:3-5. This part in the foreword grabbed my attention, “If you are a ‘younger woman’, you hold in your hands a mentor, an excellent guide to spiritual maturity.” From this perspective I was excited as I continued to read because I often long to sit at the feet of an older women who I can respect and follow in life with the Lord. This book proves to be a good “mentor” as Mahaney takes an in-depth look at loving one’s husband, loving one’s children, self-control, purity, working at home, kindness and submission.

She made a particular point in an illustration toward the end of the book that really stuck with me: